Wednesday, February 6, 2008

I'M SORRY...DOES IT EVEN MATTER?

I'm a girl that says she is sorry for everything. Even if I didn't do anything wrong, I say I'm sorry. For instance, when I call someone I'll always ask if they're busy...and when they tell me they are, I always say "Oh I'm so sorry to bother you!" I think I say sorry for everything.

Well recently I needed to apologize to someone for something. I assumed something that maybe I shouldn't have, although I don't know a single girl that if they were in my same exact situation wouldn't have assumed the same thing!!! But still, assuming things makes an A$% out of you and me! So I told this person I was sorry but it didn't make a difference. He was still livid. Funny thing was, he wasn't livid over the part he should be mad about and the thing that I was apologizing for. He was mad for something that he did himself to the 10th power. He couldn't step back and assess the situation with a clear head. He acted out of illogical emotion.

I still apologized for the part that I should have but it didn't matter. He wasn't listening, nor did he care. Which is fine, to each his own.

Think of people in the public eye when they do something that they shouldn't. Say for instance Don Imus, who got introuble for calliong the Rutger's Women's Basketball team "Nappy Headed Ho's". He made a public apology but by then the damage was done and he lost his job and the court of public opinion already made up their mind.

The encounter that I had really made me wonder that when one person apologizes to another does the apology really make a differnce?

5 comments:

Rebecca said...

Well - Let's "assess" the situation, (I love that word, assess, Lol!)
Ummm - you apologized. He couldn't look past it or accept it, or even forgive you. Granted, what you were apologizing for, you really had no need to, because he was doing the same thing - 10 fold... and you know what? He never once thought it was a bad thing, or apologized to you about it. So in this case, I'm sorry that he was so narrow-minded about the situation.

In general, however, if someone makes the step to sincerely aplogize for a 'wrong', (without it being fake or forced) then I think it really DOES matter to the other/wronged person.

For instance, I forgave you-know-who, for saying the things he did, without even getting an apology. I did it, because I needed to move forward with things. However - when I hear from him today, I take what he says with a grain of salt. Now if at some point, he makes a sincere apology to me, well - then I'd be willing to "listen" again, and take what he says in the future more seriously.

So keep on apologizing, if you feel you were wrong. People should respect you more for taking a stance, and "owning up". Just my 2 cents......

Mr. Right said...

It doesn't sound like your appology is very sincere. You are saying you are sorry, but making excuses why you shouldn't. No wonder he is pissed. A sincere appology is just that and does NOT include your commentary about how you feel, whether he was doing the same thing or not.

Maybe it is YOU that needs to take a step back and assess the situation.

Erin Austin said...

Mr. Right

Unfortunately you're missing the boat.

I apologized for that part I needed to. But what he was mad over was something that he did himself to me and when the same thing was done to him, he didn't like it.

That part I don't need to apologize for.

So, in case like this I made the apology and it didn't matter because his mind was made up.

Have a great day!
E

Anonymous said...

All public apologies seem insincere, maybe it's because people are reading them straight off a piece of paper and there's no emotion in their voices, maybe because they don't really mean it. Most public apologies are made because someone has put the offending party up to them. Whether it's the NAACP, Rutgers, CBS Radio; the public apology is almost always a result of pressure, it's like when you're a kid and your mom makes you apologize for hitting your brother. You don't mean, you just say it. Public apologies are just lip service, a way for corporations to appease those offended. I think it's funny when offended parties demand a public apology. Why? Who gives a shit? I would prefer a private apology that's sincere. Sounds like you use "I'm sorry" as a figure of speech rather than a truly sincere expression of emotion. When someone tells you that their grandpa died and you say "Sorry", you mean it, because you can relate, you immediately have empathy for that person, which makes it truly heartfelt. But you also use the same expression for when you bother someone at work? A loss of life and the loss of 15 seconds don't correlate.

Erin Austin said...

Well this person it was a private apology. The problem was that he didn't want one for what I needed to apologize for. He was mad over something completely different and irrelevant. He was mad over something I did..and he did the exact same thing to me 10 times. Only problem is, he didn't like when it was done to him.

It is true, that a death and bothering someone at work aren't in the same category but, you can still be sorry for taking their time, or for interrupting them.

Sorry doesn't always have to be for something heavy.

And why do you need say sorry for someone's grandfather dying? You didn't kill him. I know why people say sorry for that but do you see what I'm saying?

In my opinion you say sorry for things that YOU'VE done. I bothered them at work...I'm sorry. I hurt someone's feelings...I'm sorry.