Monday, January 28, 2008

OVERCOMING MY FEARS...TOUGHER THAN I THOUGHT!!

I went to church yesterday and the sermon was about overcoming your fears. A lot of people are scared of speaking in front of people, heights, death, and spiders. Really, the list goes on.

What am I afraid of? I'm afraid of not feeling accomplished, afraid of not making something out of myself, afraid of settling, afraid of getting hurt and afraid of being alone. Which is something I think a lot of people are afraid of.

As far as not feeling accomplished or making something out myself, those two things go hand in hand. I was pretty poor growing up and I never wanted to be like that ever again. My dad always was down on himself because the things he wanted to achieve in life haven't happened. My father is great at drawing. He has designed greeting cards that are actually really good. He would always send them to companies hoping that someone might buy them...but no one ever did. He was so discouraged. I think he may get discouraged easily...which sometimes I feel like I get that from him.

I know that I want to look back on my career and life and know that I accomplished most if not everything I wanted to. Although there's a saying that if your professional life is going good your personal life will suffer and if your personal is great your professional life will suffer. I know that has happened to me or has affected me in some way.

In the past 2 years I've suffered some heartbreak. Not just once but twice. With my divorce came many questions within myself. It's weird to think that the very thing I sought out and wanted would cause me pain. That I would be the one left with questions vs. him. He seemed to have never flinched with an once of emotion. I take things very very personally. Some people get over things quickly without much effect, I internalize. I still struggle with my questions and I work on them daily. I need to work on them so that I don't let them effect any future relationships if there end up being any.

Then after my last relationship failing I have a fear that I may never find someone that won't end up hurting me. Emotionally of course. I started to put myself out there and go on some dates but just have never really felt good about it. Like I said before, the few dates I've had have all been with decent guys just not right for me. Then again, I think I'm just not ready.

I'm so afraid that I'll put my whole self into something or someone only to have them get bored and leave. Or better yet, and this happened to me, I'll end up putting more of myself into the relationship than they do. which is never good. So, I just don't even want to try. At the same time, I get lonely and would love to have someone in my life. But there in lies my fear.

I go through moments when some of my fears don't even phase me. Then other times it just hits me. I mean, are these things that I should really be scared of? And how do you overcome your fears? I know I won't overcome my fears overnight...but where do you start?

How do you overcome a fear of something that's intangible?

6 comments:

THE Bachelor said...

I don't want to get too corney or totally cheesy with you, but this came from the master. Tony Robbins.

In life we make decisions based on one of two things.

1) To Avoid Pain
2) To Gain Pleasure

Think about it. Every decision in life can be broken down to one of these two choices. A few months ago I realized I didn't lke who I was when I drank. And I drank a lot. Once I read that, I stopped drinking in that instant. I wanted to avaoid the pain I caused my loved ones and gain the pleasure of them enjoying my company.

Erin, you are an amazing, beautiful woman that is understandably a little unsure of herself. You can be anything you want. Make more decisions that Gain Pleasure then ones that try to Avoid Pain.

Everything will fall into place if you just let it happen, and stop wanting it to happen.

Rozie said...

Erin, it looks as though God is tugging on your heart? My opinion is get right with him and all else will fall into place the way he meant for your life to be. No I am not God, but I promise you will find peace where there is no peace and faith where it is lacking.
I will be praying for you!! I know it's hard to let go of how we were raised, but let the past be the past and focus on today and what lies ahead.
You are an amazing woman Erin, I love you!!!

Anonymous said...

Erin: Hang in their girl, I am a breast cancer survivor & I got myself thru it. I cannot belive what I accomplished over the last two years with famly, faith & friends. I enjoy listening to you in the morning & keep a smile on your face at all times.

Rebecca said...

Ugh...I'm mad that I missed this week with you ladies at church. I could have used some information on facing fears myself.

Your fears are legit and well-warranted (there's a large percentage of us who share the same fear of being alone or not being "good enough"), and I agree with Rozie to some extent.

At the same time, I know you're the type of person who won't be able to just let go of the past.....that's a hard thing to do - for anyone. So you'll need to "Conquer" it first. Perhaps that needs to be your focus right now. Face and deal with your 'ghosts'of the past, and then your current fears should slowly fade away, because you'll then find that you are more comfortable with yourself, and where your life stands at the present. Nothing right now will be a "quick fix", and I'm sorry for that. Keep your chin up, and remember: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff :)

*hugs*

Ashley said...

Erin-
I think you overcome your fears one day at a time. I was poor as a kid too and I feel like I owe it to myself to never live like that again. It isn't got the material things, but for the feeling of accomplishment.

My whole life, I was thought of as a kid of a single parent, I would never graduate college, have a decent job. There was a time when I actually believed it. I thought I was going to be a failure and I feared that. I feared being a statistic because even my family told me I was going to be nothing. Sad, I know. Now looking back, I have done what a lot of people didn't believe I could do...and that is reason to smile.

You will overcome your fears, I think it will just come in time. Feel accomplished though GIRLIE! You are a co-host on a morning radio show...MY DREAM!

Anonymous said...

It's Linda again (I haven't quite figured out how to add a name without signing up). Here's one thing that I've learned, as cliche' as it may be...time heals all wounds. With each passing day comes new experiences and new perspectives on life...past and present. God never gives you more than you can handle. Just keep looking ahead more than you dwell on the past. I'm off to bed now, I can't believe it's midnight!