I went to church yesterday and the sermon was about overcoming your fears. A lot of people are scared of speaking in front of people, heights, death, and spiders. Really, the list goes on.
What am I afraid of? I'm afraid of not feeling accomplished, afraid of not making something out of myself, afraid of settling, afraid of getting hurt and afraid of being alone. Which is something I think a lot of people are afraid of.
As far as not feeling accomplished or making something out myself, those two things go hand in hand. I was pretty poor growing up and I never wanted to be like that ever again. My dad always was down on himself because the things he wanted to achieve in life haven't happened. My father is great at drawing. He has designed greeting cards that are actually really good. He would always send them to companies hoping that someone might buy them...but no one ever did. He was so discouraged. I think he may get discouraged easily...which sometimes I feel like I get that from him.
I know that I want to look back on my career and life and know that I accomplished most if not everything I wanted to. Although there's a saying that if your professional life is going good your personal life will suffer and if your personal is great your professional life will suffer. I know that has happened to me or has affected me in some way.
In the past 2 years I've suffered some heartbreak. Not just once but twice. With my divorce came many questions within myself. It's weird to think that the very thing I sought out and wanted would cause me pain. That I would be the one left with questions vs. him. He seemed to have never flinched with an once of emotion. I take things very very personally. Some people get over things quickly without much effect, I internalize. I still struggle with my questions and I work on them daily. I need to work on them so that I don't let them effect any future relationships if there end up being any.
Then after my last relationship failing I have a fear that I may never find someone that won't end up hurting me. Emotionally of course. I started to put myself out there and go on some dates but just have never really felt good about it. Like I said before, the few dates I've had have all been with decent guys just not right for me. Then again, I think I'm just not ready.
I'm so afraid that I'll put my whole self into something or someone only to have them get bored and leave. Or better yet, and this happened to me, I'll end up putting more of myself into the relationship than they do. which is never good. So, I just don't even want to try. At the same time, I get lonely and would love to have someone in my life. But there in lies my fear.
I go through moments when some of my fears don't even phase me. Then other times it just hits me. I mean, are these things that I should really be scared of? And how do you overcome your fears? I know I won't overcome my fears overnight...but where do you start?
How do you overcome a fear of something that's intangible?