After my trip over to France for Christmas and since I had a lot of time to think I thought about the things I'd like to different in the new year!
While over in Paris, my communication with other people was low. I didn't know how to speak French and when I thought of saying anything I thought of things in Spanish. So I was talking to my friend Melissa and we decided to take Spanish classes. I took Spanish in high school for 3 years...needless to say I need a refresher!
I also decided that there are things about myself I need to improve on. I feel sometimes I have a lot to work on but we'll start with just a few to focus on. First, is to be more comfortable in my own skin. What does that mean exactly? Being comfortable in your skin includes being satisfied with your body image, your personality, your skills and abilities, your past, and even your limitations.
I know that sometimes I have a hard time with my past. Since being divorced I've become a little self conscious. Worried if someone will like me or not because I've been married before. Will they hold it against me? Now, fortunately I have it easier than others. I don't have children which I think at times people sometimes judge a little more harshly. At least women do in my opinion. I can't tell you how many times I've heard a guy say he wouldn't date a woman with kids, guys don't seem to get that too much.
Of course I need to work on the body image thing. I know I maybe thin but with that comes somethings that I pick apart on myself...such as my boobs or the lack there of. Ever since I started going through puberty my boobs have been an issue for me. My past long term relationship with Sean I felt fine. He was always great at complementing. I never worried about them when we dated. Since then, because I'm back out in the dating world I feel like I'm in middle school all over again. I feel like I'm dealing with a bunch of pubescent boys who are obsessed with boobs. Ladies there really is NO such thing as a BUTT MAN...no matter what they tell you!
I also want to deal with being comfortable with my personality. Which is funny I feel like I need to work on this since I get paid for my personality. So why so I need to work on this? One thing, when I got divorced I asked my ex why he never really tried to make things work...his answer...he didn't like my personality. That hurt...actually it still hurts. Who knows, maybe he said it because he was hurt...not sure.
Even though my last boyfriend said he loved my personality even when we broke up (hopefully he wasn't lying) I still wonder why things didn't work out and think maybe it was something wrong with me. So I just need to focus on the fact that I have a great personality and someone one day will love all my quirks.
I also want to be more comfortable with being alone. This means a couple of things for me. I've lived by myself probably more than a lot of people but a lot of that time I was in a relationship...a lot of it even long distance. So I need to be OK with the fact that I maybe alone for awhile and I may not have anyone around. Obviously no one really likes to be alone but I need to make sure that I have the right people in my life and that I don't include someone that isn't good for me just because I'm lonely and bored.
I also want to plan another big trip by myself. Maybe to South or Central America...test out my Spanish for awhile. Or maybe go to Australia!! I've always wanted to go there! the last thing I want to work on is saving money!!
Wish me luck in 2008 on a new and improved self!!