Thursday, January 17, 2008

.... I'VE TURNED INTO ONE OF THE GUYS... I'M NOW.... "THE BUDDY"!

I've noticed a recent change in my social/dating life. I'm becoming "THE BUDDY"! I mean for Pete's sake...WE MIGHT AS WELL CHEST BUMP...& SMACK EACH OTHER ON THE BUTT LIKE SPORTS PLAYERS!

Now I will say that I still try to maintain a friendly relationship with the ex-husband and ex-boyfriend. I talk with both of them from time to time. Getting and giving updates about life, work and whatever.

I really noticed this trend a couple weeks ago. As you know I'm starting to get myself on the dating scene with little results. But now, some of he guys I've gone on dates with I'm now "THE BUDDY". In some cases I don't mind. In fact, 2 of the cases I think we are much better suited as friends.

CASE #1
I had gone a few dates with a guy named "Roy". Our dates were fine, he's a nice guy. Maybe a little shy at first. Once he opens up a little he kind of funny. So, at about the same time we both decided that we would be better friends. And I can honestly say that we are just friends. I actually think we are really good friends. He has listened to me cry, he has heard my complaints about dating, we go to workout at the same time, and now have tried going to church. We talk and just shoot the sh@t. It's really nice.

CASE #2
Next, is a guy I met off Match.com...let's call him "Dr. Pepper" . Again a nice guy. I think part of the reason this didn't work is I thought he might've wanted to move faster than I was ready. I didn't talk to him for a few weeks and then I got a call right before my trip to Paris. He wanted to wish me luck. (which was very nice) Since then I've talked to him several times. He called me last week to get my opinion on him taking a job in Chicago. He told that the dating scene is a little rough for him and wanted to get my thoughts. He ended up taking the job and is putting his house on the market and if it doesn't sell wants me and my friend Melissa to rent it! SO MY BUDDY AND POSSIBLE LANDLORD!

CASE #3
This is maybe a little different because this guy I believe thinks of me as a sister. I actually had a dream that he did...shortly before I broke it off with him. I just started getting this feeling that he wasn't that into me and to honest, he wasn't treating me that well anyway. So I put the kabash on it. Since that has happened, we've talked several times, and even for several hours. He has even tried giving me dating advice.

and finally...

CASE #4

Now this guy, I've never actually gone on any dates with. I'm the girl he wants to meet up with on the weekends while we're all out. I know that he's attracted. He's even told he is/was. Although, I'm not the girl that he ever takes out on a date. I'm the girl that he meets up with in group settings. I know( he's just not that into me!) I get it. It become perfectly clear the other day when I realized how much he was trying to impress this other girl. I also started noticing that he treated my friends just like me. But...then he'd send text messages that would suggest otherwise. Now, I could've read too far into all of it but every girl I know and guy that I've asked has agreed that his txt's were flirtatious and they would've taken it the same way as a I did!

I feel a little foolish on this one but whatever! You live, learn, and move on. There's always another fish coming up stream. (Does that sound like Dr. Phil?)

I know that it is get to have friends. I've meet some great girlfriends since I've moved here...and a lot faster than I thought I would. I very pleased with my girls...Melissa, Colleen, Rebecca, Kristie(my landlord), Erin, Jessica. I've met Tamra, Tara and I'm sure just more to come.

I just find my new found "BUDDY" persona a little weird. Why do I end up being "THE BUDDY"? Am I just that girl? I don't know where to begin with this situation. I don't even know what questions to ask.

I know...I'll ask the guys...What makes the girl end up being "THE BUDDY"? Is this a compliment or a slap in the face? Like you're good enough to hang out with but just good enough to date?

7 comments:

Peter said...

I dunno. You don't seem like a "buddy" type to me. Have you ever sat down and thought about what you must have, what you'll accept and what you won't tolerate in a guy?

I had a female friend whose sole criteria was physical. The guy had to be thin and have long hair. Didn't matter whether the guy had a job or anything. And she wasn't like right out of high school either. She was almost 30 when I knew her.

I was always her fallback shoulder to cry on (and borrow money and rides from). She was attractive but never saw that there were far better guys if she would use criteria that mattered. She made it clear I'd never qualify and quite frankly was very mean about it. I haven't seen her in at least 10 years so I have no idea if she ever found her ideal guy or not.

You? You have very pretty eyes. And yes, I notice eyes before I notice anything else. They are indeed the windows to the soul.

Ashley said...

I am always "The Buddy" and I am just used to it.

I am glad you've met such greats friends there! :-)

Angie said...

I know your feeling. This was me a few years back. I was "One of the Guys" I ended up being the only girl that the guys hung out with. They were not afraid to say anything in front of me..that's for sure. I didn't mind at first, it was great to hang out with them. Guys are way more honest than girls are. You ask them, and they tell you. They were also very protective when I liked a guy or went on a date. I always thought, why should they care since they don't want to date me? They usually ended up being right about the guys that I dated and they told me to stay away from. I had to learn the hard way.

I'm sure you've heard this before as I did..and I'm sure it will frustrate you as much as it did me when I heard it...But...I'll say it anyway..."When you stop looking...it will come to you." I was always on the look out for a boyfriend. I always had to primp when I went out because that could have been the day that I ran into Mr. Right. Well, I was finally sick of looking and just was happy being single and hanging out and me just being me. I ended up doing a field study at a High School and ended up meeting my now husband. I knew right away that I was going to marry him. It took some time though and it wasn't easy. He was dating someone at the time, but I kept in touch with him as friends. I thought, if I can't have him as a boyfriend I would like to have him as a friend. We ended up hanging out after he split from his girlfriend and now we have been married for 7 months.

So, I guess the best advice that I can give you is just be yourself...and enjoy the friendships that you have..and stop looking. Love will come when you least expect it. You have a great personality and seem like a lot of fun..which is probably also why you seem to always be the Buddy..but I do know a lot of relationships have also started that way. So cheer up. Go out have fun and enjoy life. Don't worry about fitting into a "relationship" name. It will find you.

Anonymous said...

honestly, i think you need to flirt more. otherwise the guy has no idea what route to take with you. Flirting takes two. And unless you are giving a clue one way or another that you are iinterested, you can easily fall into the friend zone. But dont worry. It is much easier for a gal to get out of the friend zone than a guy

THE RENTAL GUY said...

When your looking for it, you will never find it. when your not looking for it, it will come to you!!!! Sometime it is right in front of you and you don't see it!!!!!! Some guy's that is there way to get to know a person!!!!!

Rebecca said...

I don't agree with 'anonymous', simply because he doesn't know you....You ARE a 'wear your heart on your sleeve' kind of girl....you have let these guys know how you've felt....which include 'flirting'...so that's not the answer.

And then "Rental Guy" said that some guys become your "friend/ buddy" first, to get to know you better? Hmmmm....i don't buy that either. Don't guys know right from the get go if they have feelings for a girl that go beyond a friendship? That kind of makes them sound weak if they don't go after what they want.

I'm not sure, E - Are guys afraid you might talk about them on the radio? Maybe they're a bit intimidated, and feel they should just stay friends with you because they know you talk about your dating life weekly. Perhaps they'd rather keep that stuff private...in fear they might catch 'slack' from their guy friends or family. IDK.....I'm just offering up an additional point of view.

Here's where I agree with Angie - let the guys come to you - don't go looking for anything romantic (unless you get signals that there is mutual interest). A guy worth having is one that completely lets you know!

jm said...

Erin, I think I know how you feel, I basically went through the same thing in high school, but as a guy. I was the guy that a lot of the girls that I knew came to talk to when they had problems or just needed somebody to talk to. A lot of times they told me things that they didn't tell their best friends, boyfriends, or even their parents. I was never really sure what to think about it. On one hand it was great hanging out with all the girls and knowing that I knew things that other people didn't. On the other hand, I kinda felt used, knowing that I most likely wouldn't end up dating any of them, because a lot of times they would ask me how I thought that they could improve their relationships with their boyfriends. I'll admit that a couple of times I was tempted to try to break them up, but I just couldn't go through with that.

This all continued throughout high school, especially when I joined the cheerleading squad my senior year. Yes, I was a male chearleader, (think what ever you want) I also coached for 4 years after graduation, and they were some of the best times of my life so far. But anyway, those girls were the same way, even still to this day I get the same thing. It must just be our personalities. i am still hoping to find that girl that is right for me, I know she's out there somewhere, as is the right guy for you. Like everyone says, be yourself, when the time is right, you'll find that guy for you.