Sunday, January 6, 2008

DATING BUT YOU REALLY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP?? WHAT'S THE POINT??

As of late I've come across several guys who will "date" girls yet both of them have said they don't want to start a relationship. Both of them have different reasons for not getting in a relationship. One says that he's going to travel for 6 months so he sees no need to start something while the other says that he needs to get himself financially set and make a ton of money.

Here's what I don't understand...and maybe this is just me here but, if I'm not ready to be in a relationship I wouldn't really date and I wouldn't go "bowling" with people. Is that the difference between guys and girls? Do these guys "date" just to fill time?

Now both of the guys I know have been somewhat honest from the beginning with the girls that they're dealing with but, they still go on multiple dates with the same person, they "bowl", they do it all. What I don't understand is what are these girls thinking? What is going through their minds? Do they know that nothing going to happen and they're o.k. with it or deep down do they hope for something more and they'll just be patient? Wait around?

Every girl I've talked to said that if they weren't ready to date...they WOULDN'T!! They would just go out with the girls and their radar to the opposite sex would be turned off. Yet, guys have no problem having these short term surface relationships... I mean, what it the point? Is it only to fill a void for a short amount of time? Are these guys themselves afraid of a deep relationship? There's a part of me that feels that guys are always looking for the "GOOD FOR NOW GIRL". Almost a matter of you're the "wrong girl at the right time".

I'll tell you some of the excuses they came up with.
A. "I like out and meet new people"...real meaning: "I like to keep my options open."
B. " Well I'm not going to be my own fun police...real meaning: "I have needs...you know!"
C. "I've been hurt"...sorry don't buy it.
D. "I've always been in relationships I don't want to get in another one right now"...real meaning:..."I'm having fun playing around and trying different flavours."

I just don't understand the emotional detachment that men have sometimes. You know, the thing is, the guys I discussed above aren't the only ones like that. I think that's a given. You know, I may sound as if I'm being a little harsh and really I'm not. I'm just a little confused. It's a completely foreign concept to me. If I it were me I wouldn't want to waste the other person's time.

I know after my last relationship I was extremely cautious (and I still am) about dating anyone in particular. I never wanted to give the wrong idea. There were certain things that I would not do. I had a set of rules. Now since the breakup I've only had a few dates, and at the moment there's nothing in the pipeline. No dates and no prospects. I feel like sometimes I could be ready for something else but then when i get out there and see what there is to offer I feel like maybe i need to think about it a little longer. I know I may get lonely at times but I feel as though, I would rather be alone than be in a relationship where the odds are not in your favour.

I will close with this. That the 2 guys I discussed here, one of them I think he is truly a good guy. I think he puts on a player facade. He has great human qualities. He is a caring person. He does a ton of humanitarian work. I just don't understand the player part. The part that acts disconnected emotionally. The other guy puts on a bunch of fronts. I also think that deep down he has a good guy in him but I feel like it's going to take some time before he knows it's there and is ready to share it with people. So in the mean time, he'll figure it out and have fun to his standards til then.

4 comments:

Kim said...

Hey Erin,

Sounds like you have a pretty good social circle now, but you might want to try FUEL Milwaukee. They have events every month and it is geared toward professionals in this area.

Maybe we'll see you on Wednesday this week.

Kim

Earl said...

Very Enlightening Post Ms. Austin. Always good to hear another perspective on things while attempting to discover your own path. Especially the perspective of a "deep thinker" from the opposite sex. We'll have to save the in-depth response to this for a chair lift ; )

erin austin said...

thanks earl...I'll hold you to that response...and I look forward to it...Just go easy on me...I remember one talk we had!:0

erin austin said...

I got this response off my MYSPACE page...

I think you've hit it on the head. I've found the girls to go a little deeper than the average guy when it comes to the concept of dating. What's amazing is that the concept of dating seems to change from one region of the country to the other. As for the excuses, "A" is dead on, "B" is also accurate and "D" is a 50/50. "D" could be a defense reaction due to the fear of rejection .... getting squashed.