Tuesday, October 2, 2007

DOES EVERYTHING REALLY HAPPEN FOR A REASON???

You know the saying "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON"? Do you actually believe that? I know girls we sometimes dwell on stuff. I am VERY guilty of this. I worry over too much. I over analyze. I think about what could I have done differently. I especially analyze this stuff when it's getting towards that time of the month...I know TMI!!

The breakup with Sean I still take a lot personally. I sometimes wonder what is the reason that I'm here in Milwaukee? Is it just to further my career? Will I find personal happiness while I'm here? Is there a purpose that he (Sean) was put into my life in the first place?

When I met Sean I was getting divorce. We dated for just a few months and he decided to move back to Texas to be near his ailing brother. I thought for sure that he would dump me then and there. (GUYS NEVER ARE INTO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS) But he didn't and we continued to date. We talked about my career and how I move around sometimes and what business he could start that would allow him to do so. Then conversations turned to me moving somewhere in Texas to be near him.

Well I had an opportunity to get a job at my old station in Austin!! How perfect!! It was doing mornings..which is what I wanted to do. It was in Austin...the same city as Sean! PERFECT!! I thought I had the gig...my boss thought I had the gig! The boss in Austin let me think I might get the gig. And then...my boss tells me that some other girl got the job. Of course, she's blond with big boobs..not sure how that translates to radio but whatever!!! I was disappointed for sure. But I also thought that it was OK because I think that eventually I would have gotten bored with that job because it wasn't challenging.

Then comes this job in Milwaukee. I have to say all of it happened so fast. And the saying when it rains it pours is true. At the same time this job came up, so did a job in Dallas. I thought "Wow this is AWESOME!!! Sean is moving to Dallas shortly maybe we can be in the same city again." Well, the job in Dallas didn't give me much to go on. They were thinking of making changes but they weren't sure yet on when or who or what. The job at KTI was ready tomorrow. In fact, if I got the job they wanted me to move in a couple of weeks. Well, Dallas wasn't ready. Milwaukee was ready and it was a great opportunity. I had to take it. Funny thing is, I cried when I got the job. I was scared for so many reasons. Will I do well at my new job, will I get friends, and what will happen to my relationship?

So, about a month after I moved here, Sean broke up with me. It hurt and somehow I knew it was coming. Not necessarily by his actions or things he said...I just knew. I knew he would check out. He had decided that he needed to change careers. And selling airplanes was more to him than I could be.

So, why was I up for 2 different jobs in the same city as him? Was it some cruel joke that life or GOD played on me? Seriously, what was the point? What is the reason that things just never worked in our favor? If things aren't supposed to work out...why do they happen in the first place?

7 comments:

Doug said...

hey Erin... you end that writing with a lot of good questions. But honestly looking at it from a different angle, aren't those the scenarios where you really learn the most... and grow personally. It feels kind of cheesy to even write that.... but if you look back at life to me those are the situations where you become stronger, where you know more what you want, why, and more importantly how to get it. Growing pains maybe??

Anonymous said...

Erin this is a debate I am in quite often. To a degree I believe inn major coincidences that we have some control over. And I dont think everything happens for a reason. But I do believe you can find a reason in everything. (Philosophy 101) Realistically we are all just the sum of our experiences. You obviously loved Sean, and to experience love is to learn about it. Im sure you learned allot about yourself and relationships. And who knows maybe down the road youll be with Sean again. But my guess is if a job was more important for either of you, then totally not the right person. Yes yes yes these are the years where your career is important. I agree and understand that, but in the end I dont think it was a lifes cruel joke, but more so life showing which way to go.

Anonymous said...

You bet it does. I married my first husband when I was young - too young. I didn't have a lot of self esteem back then, and figured that I might not get a chance like this again. He found someone else "better" than me and asked for a divorce. That was another year of misery...and during that time I met someone new who I "thought" was my prince charming. Another frog - he had his own set of problems... and dumped me 3 months after the divorce was final. To top it all off, I lost my job and then my apartment and had to move out of state to find a new one. I had no money, no job, no boyfriend, and no husband. I had to stay with my sister and the drudgery of "it will get better" while I got back on my feet. I didn't want to speak to or see another guy for the rest of my life, but my sister was determined to show me it didn't need to be that way and signed me up on a dating site. A few guys wrote to me and I went on a few dates - but nothing happened. One in particular stuck out until I saw his pictures. I ignored him, but a week later he wrote again. I ignored him again, for two weeks. He "seemed" to have his act together, but he just wasn't someone I would have gone out with by choice. I was still bitter and angry, and this was just the icing on the cake, but figured - what the he** - I hadn't made very good choices in the past - this ought to be a new direction. As a matter of fact, I was thinking a lot of what you wrote... why do bad things happen to good people - what did I do to deserve any of this??? Each time something happened, I just got more bitter and more angry. I wasn't a nice person to be around. But, my sister convinced me to write back. I waited and waited...and finally, he wrote back. He had given up on finding someone, but then signed back up to write back to me. We wrote back and forth, I have to admit I was being kind of cruel hoping he would go away, but he was unphased and very sweet, and unusually understanding, which made it all the more annoying. After a week, he asked me out to dinner. I was pretty fed up with the toads, and just asked if we could meet at his place and go get a pizza. I half wanted to prove to my sister that this guy was just another toad, but half wanted to see if he really was the nice guy he was making himself out to be. He was a little nervous but agreed, volunteering that we could go somewhere "nicer" - that he was buying so we could go anywhere. I showed up - not even dressed up and not wearing any makeup, looked around, and sat down on his sofa. Then, for a reason I still don't know today, I just started sobbing, about everything - my ex husband, my ex boyfreind...the toads who never called back...He sat down next to me, and held me for the rest of the night. Twice he asked me if I needed to get home, but I didn't say a thing. For the next 6 hours, he just held me. His shirt was soaked through to his undershirt with tears and drool from me, but he just kept holding me. He got up - just once - to get a blanket to cover me up. I left around 5AM convinced that I'd never here from him again. Well, he called me later that day to make sure I was OK, and then he asked if he could see me again. I wasn't sure...I didn't know what he was thinking and I was pretty sure I made a fool of myself, but a week later I agreed and he took me to the zoo.

What Id didn't know was that he was engaged 5 years before meeting me. They had known each other since they were in gradeschool, and had lived across the street from each other, and had planned their wedding since they were 9 years old.

She was killed in a car crash going home from the mall. He had just got her ring back from being adjusted. Instead of finding her at her apartment, he found two police officers talking with her landlord.

For two years, he didn't date. He didn't do anything but go to work and go home. Then his company closed, and he had to move out of state too. His brother convinced him to sign up at the same dating site, and he was on there for a while with the same luck as me - probably from people just like me being cruel to him.

That was 14 years ago, and we've been married for 12 years now, and have two beautiful children. Looking back - I don't know what I was thinking going over to his place - and I don't know that I would have made the same decision in today's world, but there was something about him, and I'm glad I did. He's a zillion times better than any prince charming or night in shining armor. He takes care of me and loves me like no one ever had before. My freinds comment on how lucky I am. After I started dating him, it didn't hurt anymore, and I forgot almost all of the past. When something bad would happen, I knew he would be there for me - and it wasn't bad anymore. He brought me flowers for no reason at all, faxed me cartoons that he would draw, when I would get in to work, there was always a voicemail from him saying he missed me. On a bad day, he would call me and be a goof just to see if he could make me smile, and he knew over the phone when I was. He would stop at McDonalds and bring me a happy meal with the toy, right into the office in front of everyone. He is my world. Watching him with the kids...rolling around in the yard with them...making sure we are all happy...the way he looks at me, the way it feels to be with him...we were meant to be. I feel safe with him. Never in a million years would I have thought that he would have stayed by my side, but he did, and still does.

So, again, yes, I believe that everything happens for a reason. I would have thrown a telephone and a lamp and a picture frame and every vase and china I could at anyone who told me that before I met him, but had I not gotten divorced, found and lost a boyfreind, then lost my job, I would not have moved. Had he not lost his lifetime sweetheart, and his company closed, he would not have moved. Had we each not had someone to push us beyond our resentment at life, we would not have signed up on the dating site. Had my sister not convinced me to write to him...he would never have written back, and I would have never gone to his place, and we would never have met. And even though it took me a while to see, had neither of us been through what we had been through, we would never have known what it felt like when it finally felt right. And now I understand that I - that we - had to go through that pain - to get to where we are today.

Jenny said...

Wow - great blog and posts. Thanks to anonymous # 2 for your story. I was choked up reading it.

erin austin said...

Wow!! Anonymous #2!! I feel right now what you felt then. I'm a little bitter. I am definitely sceptical...leary. I guess I'm in a phase where I'm trying to tread lightly. Afraid of getting hurt and a non believer in the love department. I just can't fathom that a man could be in love with a woman so much that he puts her on this pedestal of sorts. I feel as though men will always have their own interests in mind and put themselves first.

I sometimes hear of men that break a girls heart...they go off and sow the oats (sleep around) and realize that the grass isn't greener and then after they inflict so much pain upon the girl they decied they want her back. Or guys that just break it off with a girls and then decide they made a mistake and want to get back together. I hate to admit this, but in my past relationship experience...no one has fought or even tried to get me back. Heck it would be nice if I got..."hey I think we were good together..I miss you" or "Sorry I didn't try harder...I made a mistake". Something...all I get is a phone call here and there to see how things are with my job. All very nonemotional conversations.

I know my confessing of my feelings may turn guys off but I'm just saying whats on my mind.

It would be great someday to have a man in your life that thinks the world of you

Mike said...

Erin... you ask a couple of valid questions. I too wonder if things happen for a reason... especially in relationships. My conclusion? ABSOLUTELY!

For example, prior to December 2005, I was your typical 25-year old man trying to find himself in the dating world. Bars weren't working for me... & I didn't know where to turn. So... one night I went online to give that a shot. And I met some wonderful people... visited some wonderful places. And even though I never found my "true love" online... each of those people did impact me & my life in a special way.

Fast forward to 2 years ago... I received a phone call on a Wednesday morning, asking me to officiate a Women's College Basketball game in the early evening. I was supposed to be at a Christmas party/meeting while the game was concluding... and decided to go (which I never would normally do). It was there that I met a great woman... who also refereed basketball.

After immediately falling in love with her... and almost losing her (she didn't fall for me like I did for her)... we're now married & going on our honeymoon in one week!

So yes... things do happen for a reason. Every day... we are put into a position that will impact the rest of our lives. I would not be who I am today... and know the people that I know... if I didn't sacrifice a broadcasting career for officiating 3 sports. I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't go back to school again to attempt to get my Teacher's Certification (which I didn't get).

I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't come to the conclusion that the more I look for women... the longer I was going to be single. I showed up at that meeting for free food & drink... Never, in my wildest dreams, did I think that I would meet someone who understands who I am & what I do... the love of my life.

So I'll tell you what I constantly tell another friend of mine (who's also looking for a man):

Keep being yourself. Any man who is "scared" that he might be talked about on-air... or is "afraid" to hear your true feelings... isn't worth your time & energy. Just don't keep "looking" either. Let it flow... keep it real... and you'll have yourself a "bonafide" man! :-)

Anonymous said...

Anonymous #2 - holy moly! Good story, even better message. If your guy is for real, I would agree - you are lucky. So - what do you think would have happened if you had waited a few more days before writing back? Would he have written back to you?

Erin - why would you want to let your ex and Sean win? Why hold what they did to you against the good guys? I went through 7 losers before I found my winner and even though the first 7 stung like he** it was worth it ALL to find HIM. If they don't want you, GO FIND THE ONE WHO DOES. Do like #2 did. Sign up online. Look for someone like #2's guy. You had to move - maybe you'll find someone who had to move too! There out there - mine found me, my sisters each found one and my girlfreinds found them - but none on the first try. Mine was so shy he didn't even make sense when he wrote to me. I didn't want kids and he wanted three. He was 5 years older than me. I didn't think he was for real - no way - TOTAL fairy tale! But - like #2, what the he**? I had nothing to lose other than racking up #8! I gave him a shot and look at me now! He WAS real! Everything in his ad was REAL! I won! I'm happily married! I have -5- kids and I'm having the time of my life! And those 7 dwarfs? There still single and looking and UNHAPPY!!

Rene