Why is it when you see a pretty girl the guy she is with is very average looking guy? Your first thought might be "That girl could do sooo much better." Is it that average looking guys are nicer or are pretty girls settling because they think "Really Hot" guys come with baggage? Do "Average" guys make girls feel safe?
I have a couple friends that are so pretty but the guys they date are average at best. My friends we actually talked about this...How we're attracted to the "Really Hot" guys initially and then settle with the average guys. Why? Part of it is because the "Really Hot" guys you can't really trust. Again you ask why? "Really Hot" guys always seem to know just how hot they are. They play up their looks more than supermodels! You think I'm kidding? Seriously, I can't think of one "Really Hot" guy that doesn't play up his looks with the ladies. They are always looking for the next lady to lay! Can I say that? Is that too harsh? Whatever!
If you know a guy that has EVER...I mean EVER done modeling...he is not to be trusted. Unless of course he is gay. In that case, be his friend because you two could go shoe shopping together.
I digress again.
Also, really hot guys play games!! BIG TIME!!! Since they know how good looking they are, they don't feel they need to settle with one girl. It's almost as though they feel the need for attention from lots of girls.The more girls they have on the line the bigger man they are. Maybe they're over compensating for something. They act as though they have no girlfriend. I'll give you an example. I think of my old trainer. He was VERY attractive, Abercrombie and Fitch model (I'm not kidding), and a huge flirt. He would call me all the time. Flirt like crazy and said he never had a girlfriend. Even when I confronted him that I knew he was dating this girl...he still denied that they were dating!! WHAT?? That's crazy!!!
So I guess I know why some girls date average looking guys, why do you think that is? I know that my friends would tell me that the "Really Hot" guys you couldn't trust and the "Average guy" weren't as threatening. Almost like we thought that the average guy wouldn't cheat! RIGHT!
I guess maybe a better question is why do good looking girls date average looking guys but good looking guys never date average looking girls?...They still date the arm candy!!!
17 comments:
You're making me feel very inadequate, Erin :)
So that means when you start dating you are looking for an average guy? Well, hello Erin Austin.
Oh Pete...Don't feel that way...I just make observations from people I see. You can't tell me you've never seen a beautiful woman with a average guy.
Interesting perspective Erin. Maybe its not that these great looking women are settling, but considering other quality traits in a man, outside of just looks, thereby leading them to a larger pool of men, some of which are "average" looking. How many of these pretty girls have you seen in the morning? Point being, women put an enormous amount of time and energy into looking pretty- at 6 am side by side, would you think the same?
I wouldn't say I am SOO pretty, but I have dated a few hotties in my lifetime, and now I am marrying a 'pretty average' guy next month. Why? "Really Hot" guys are so much work!! You're constantly trying to look 'cute' - even if you guys are vegging out on the couch watching movies. And you're always wondering if people are looking at you thinking "what is HE doing with Her? uggh". Most of the time the pretty boys have have zippo personality or smarts. (Not saying that's true for all cases, just mine). My guy is very street smart, book smart and 'what's going on in the world smart', which is a huge turn on for me. He also makes me laugh and laugh and laugh - also a huge plus. I would choose him over a 'really hot guy' any day!
I like you, and I listen to your show on and off... this just makes you sound soooo shallow!
How sad! :(
Hey, at least she blogs on a frequent basis....
Thanks for that Erin. I'm starting to like you more and more.
Sure I have, my own S/O (current ex-wife, who I'm reconciling with). I consider myself to be average, and her to be beautiful in more ways than one....so there's a close to home example right there.....
Having said that, I'm sure I have on occasion noticed a few other average guys out there with beautiful gals.
I have to agree with Porter Dean tho....there has to be more than just "settling" at issue...some women are just more interested in looks (I HAVE to believe that) and care more about the "whole package".
My mother instilled in me good values like opening doors, pulling out chairs, you know, chivalry....I think that and a few other quality traits like trustworthiness and loyalty count for something these days. I believe there are gals out there that look for those traits more so over looks and don't really call it "settling".
Love the show and this blog. You guys are such a welcome voice in Milwaukee!
I'm not trying to be or sound shallow...I just make observations...and I write about them. Point is that you rarely see a HOT guy with an average girl!!
E
Do women value real conversation and personality more than men? In other words, I suspect that a man can date a good looking women who bores him (mentally) longer than a women could date a good looking man that bores her. Just think back to those dumb jocks in high school sister. I'm guessing none of them got all that smarter ...
Erin,
Please tell me you have thought that maybe the "HOT" girl found that the beauty truly is not skin deep and was friends with the average guy and found his soul to be what she loved. I know that looks are the very first impression...we always see the cover before we look inside. However, I live with the fact that my looks will never get me the hot woman, but my heart, soul, and desire to find my BEST FRIEND will take me where I will be the happiest.
Erin,
I could not agree with you more!!!!! I am 33 years old and it has taken me this long to figure this out! I also struggle with being lonely and single. I have been told that I am attractive (I see myself as average though!). I have dated probably about a dozen "hotties" and they ALL faded out as quickly as they started. They ALL had one thing in common. The "hotties" don't tell you they are breaking up with you or why... they just stop calling and blow you off without any explanation. Why? Chances are they have moved onto the next woman and could care less about our feelings - we are a dime a dozen to them. Talk about a blow to the self-esteem! I spent so many nights in tears wondering what I did, what was wrong with me or what I could do to get them back. Your blog entry changed my life for the better! It was a wake up call for me to realize that I do NOT deserve to be treated like a doormat. Being a "people pleaser" I have spent half my life thinking of everyone else's feelings but my own. I think we would all be lying if we said that physical attraction or looks didn't matter. They DO... or at least initially. But being attracted to someone doesn't necessarily mean they are physically "hot" - there have been men that I have been physically attracted to that have been average looking... and there have been "hotties" that I have NOT been attracted to. If a guy has an attitude and acts like he knows he is hot - that makes him less attractive right there in my book. Your blog entry was AWESOME and SOOOOOO eye opening! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!
Erin,
I could not agree with you more!!!!! I am 33 years old and it has taken me this long to figure this out! I also struggle with being lonely and single. I have been told that I am attractive (I see myself as average though!). I have dated probably about a dozen "hotties" and they ALL faded out as quickly as they started. They ALL had one thing in common. The "hotties" don't tell you they are breaking up with you or why... they just stop calling and blow you off without any explanation. Why? Chances are they have moved onto the next woman and could care less about our feelings - we are a dime a dozen to them. Talk about a blow to the self-esteem! I spent so many nights in tears wondering what I did, what was wrong with me or what I could do to get them back. Your blog entry changed my life for the better! It was a wake up call for me to realize that I do NOT deserve to be treated like a doormat. Being a "people pleaser" I have spent half my life thinking of everyone else's feelings but my own. I think we would all be lying if we said that physical attraction or looks didn't matter. They DO... or at least initially. But being attracted to someone doesn't necessarily mean they are physically "hot" - there have been men that I have been physically attracted to that have been average looking... and there have been "hotties" that I have NOT been attracted to. If a guy has an attitude and acts like he knows he is hot - that makes him less attractive right there in my book. Your blog entry was AWESOME and SOOOOOO eye opening! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!
Well, this is a little late but... I have known several beautiful woman doctors, etc with husbands that you look at and wonder "huh, what is she doing with him?" .... until my met my current boyfriend. I even kept him at arm's length thinking he wouldn't have to offer what I wanted/needed but after 8 months of dating I realize that he has more great qualities than any of the "hot" guys I've dated.
I don't consider it "settling" at all... in fact I think my "average" guy is well "above average" and couldn't be happier!! :-)
Well, from a male perspective, things *might* look a little different. What porter dean said comes a little closer to reality. It's actually not men who choose, it's ultimately women who keep the last word in choosing their 'Mr Right'. Looks are actually fairly secondary in men, as long as they're not butt ugly PLUS anti-charming. What I've noticed in my 47 years as a male is that the most successful, humorous, well-mannered and talkative men (I didn't say bullsh*tters...) are in fact quite average looking, some even really ugly. Good looking guys are often fairly quiet and considered dry and boring by many women (at least all the women I know). Just take a look around you and you'll see what I mean.
oh, just as a PS to my previous post - an average looking bloke who is confident will be seen as, well, confident. However, a handsome guy with the same amount of confidence (or even slightly less) is quickly regarded as arrogant or as somebody with an 'attitude'. That's why quite a few male 'hotties' rather stay on the quiet side. I reckon no man would want to be brand marked as arrogant, especially in front of other women (that's at least how it is over here in Europe).
That's where the vicious circle closes for some guys. Being very quiet is unfortunately often misinterpreted (especially by women) as lacking confidence, dim-witted, too boring. Go figure ;)
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