I FEEL LIKE I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN

When I was growing up I never had a boyfriend. First of all, my parents were super conservative and wouldn't allow me to date until I was 16. Being that I was a summer baby, that made it so I was a junior in high school before I was allowed to go out with boys.

Going into high school at 14 started the era of school dances. Homecoming, Sadie Hawkins, Tolo...and the big one PROM! However, only juniors and seniors were allowed to go prom.

It was easy for me not to worry about school dances. First off, the boys never asked me to dances and when it was a girl ask boy dance I was poor and didn't have money to ask anyone. That, and the fact that I was afraid they'd reject me.

I remember getting sad a lot because all my friends had boyfriends. The cute boys in my classes were asking out girls that I didn't think were all that great. Sure, the cool boys would talk to me but they'd rather talk to the girl that was already developed. I was a late bloomer.

I was a person that talked to everyone. I wouldn't consider myself a popular kid, or a nerd. I was all over the place. I wanted to be liked by everyone. I was friends with most popular girl in school to the kid noone talked to because he was too shy.

But when it came to the opposite sex and dating, I was no good. I had crushes on boys but they never were returned. The only guys that ever asked me out or made themselves known were the stoners or the foregin exchange students that I was friends with.

I feel like that all over again.

Since being on the single scene again I feel like the only guys that are attracted to me are the ones that aren't good for me. Ones that don't have their stuff together. Or ones that simply are just not my type and it's really really obvious.

I could walk into a bar with dozens of attractive men and the one that will talk to me is the one that lives with his mom and hasn't finished school. Now, I know a bar isn't the best place to meet someone but it could be worse.

I remember thinking when I was younger that I probably never would get married. Not because I didn't want to, but because I never saw myself being asked. Guys didn't like me then...and I'm feeling like they don't like me now.

I DON'T CRAP RAINBOWS!

I've always had a feisty personality. That's just how I am. I sometimes have a potty mouth. I say random things. Tell dirty jokes. I'm always trying to make people laugh. Let's just put it this way...I'm not Tenley off of The Bachelor.



Here's what's been bothering me. I feel like guys like girls that are the sweet "teacher type." They like girls that act like they came out of a Disney movie. I'm not that girl. I act more like I came out of a SNL skit.



I try not to get down about it but it's a little hard. Especially when you have someone tell you that a guy may not want to date me because I don't act like their mom! Really? You want a girl that acts like your mom?

Hey I have my moments where I act a fool, but it's not like I go to a business function and tell poop jokes.

I know I'm random but I hope one day I find a guy that finds it endearing. I mean, LBS (let's be serious), I like to keep things spicy and fun. Who wants the predictable? Well...Unfortunately I guess a lot.

Does everybody want to play it safe?

A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE!

So as you may or may not know my ex-husband recently got married. Now as much as I should be happy for him, you know, happy that he found someone that could handle his nuratic butt. I'm not happy. Because he is nuratic and how did he find someone that can handle him? I mean REALLY?

When that happened, I was feeling a little sorry for myself. Wondering when I was going to find that special someone. Wondering when will I find a someone that will be around for longer than a month or two.

I got over it. Of course, I had my moments when I'd feel a little lonely but I just kept telling myself, "I'm not going to settle and it'll all work out."



Well, just last week I found out that one of the guys that I dated in Milwaukee for a few months just got engaged for the 2nd time. The first time he was engaged was before I met him.

Anyway, we dated for a few months and then it was this odd here and there kind of thing. He's always had a girl in the picture. One girl for a year. Then another couple. Now it's the girl he's engaged to.

Here's the thing. He's been dating her since maybe November!!!! SHE was engaged to someone else a few months before she met him! Now, the 2 of them are engaged after dating maybe 3 months. HOLY CRAP! FAST MOVERS! Although that's kind of his M.O. His last fiancé he asked to marry him after maybe 6 months of dating.

When I heard this news I was like WTF? for various reasons. The main reason was, "Is here something wrong with me?" I really haven't had a boyfriend in 2 and half years...almost 3. I started thinking "Is there something I need to fix about myself that is really broken?"

The next thing I thought was, "Ahh hell! If I find out that Mr. Dallas gets engaged anytime soon, it’s a sign of the Apocalypse!"

That's the guy that said when we broke up, "Erin I just think the next step for you is to get married and I'm not ready." I asked, "Are you just not ready to get married to me or to anyone?" He said, "To you or to anyone. I'm just not ready."

At least he wasn't totally lying when he said that. I mean, he's not married yet. Although if he ends up getting married before I can even find a boyfriend, I'm going start looking for the seas to turn red and skies to fill with flying locusts!

ARE WE ALL TOO AFRAID OF BEING HURT?

Having your heart broken or being hurt in a relationship is something that happens to most people at some point in time. It hurts, sometimes for a short time and sometimes it seems like it never goes away.

I've been hurt plenty of times. Some hurt has lasted a moment and other times I think there's a part that still lingers in me. Yet, I still try again. Sometimes I get myself out there against my better judgment.

There are a few relationships that I refer back to when I think of being hurt deeply. Of those times, I can say that the scars I earned from it I still carry in a way. They're not completely healed yet. However, I still want to find a lasting relationship. A deep, caring, and meaningful relationship.

I still try to love without bringing too much hurt to the table. Which I think is pretty normal. You do your best to clean the slate. It's very hard. I know that I've learned things from my hurt that I won't allow to happen again.

I've met people both guys and girls that won't allow themselves to get into another relationship for fear that the person they are involved with now will do them wrong just like the last one. So they put up the walls.

I know a girl that is afraid that she'll get hurt so she self sabotage’s her relationships. Or she finds something wrong with the guys she dates in a way to protect herself.

I've also met a few guys recently that have been hurt so they move slowly with new relationships. Which is totally fine. I know I was that way at one time or another. My only thing is when you move really slow do things ever progress?

Are they so afraid of being hurt that they don’t let the new person see the real them? They've got a wall up and won't allow the other person in.

I know I’m afraid of getting hurt. In the last few years I’ve had my fair share of rejection. It’s gets kind of old. Guy after guy…issue after issue. With the classic line…”You’re a great girl.”

I know have SO much to give in a relationship. Problem is, I’m not finding any takers that aren’t already afraid of something. I'd would love to have someone give me a fair shot like I try to give them.