As I embark on a new scene of dating...and yes...I'M DATING! I wonder if one of the problems I've always had with guys is just something they all do...and I need to just embrace it.
I would never call myself a needy person. I'm sure my ex-husband would disagree...but then again consider the source. Here's me in a nut shell. When I'm in a relationship with someone I like to spend time with that person. Almost to a fault. I feel like I'm always more accommodating with my time. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY. I'm actually trying to be better about it. Such as not always being soooo available.
Here's my problem. I'm in the early stages of dating someone who has a weird schedule. SO DO I. Here's the thing. I feel like I'm more available than he is...I'm asking "What's your schedule like...What's your plan for the week? Instead of it being the other way around.
I actually brought this up to him and he said "Hey babe I'm sorry. You'll have to bear with me. I'm soo used to doing what I want, when I want to, and it's an adjustment." OH BOY!!! I've heard that before. The last time a guy broke up with me was when he said that he wasn't able to work out as much as he wanted to, and do all the things he wanted.
I'm starting to wonder if I'm just unreasonable for thinking that there will be a guy that is always wondering how he spend his time with me rather than just trying to fit me in the schedule.
I know I'm impatient...but maybe I need to settle with the thought that guys are always going to put you on the back burner. That's just how it is.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
CAN A ZEBRA EVER REALLY CHANGE THEIR STRIPES???
The other day I was thinking ...which I do a lot, and I was thinking about people that I know and the things that were somewhat dealbreakers. Things that either were red flags or personality flaws. This goes beyond do they leave underwear on the floor...this is about MAJOR things...cheating, control, ect.
For instance, a guy smacks around his girlfriend. In his next relationship does he suddenly change and treat the next girlfriend like a princess? Or a guy cheats...doesn't he always cheat?
I thought about a guy I dated not too long ago. About a month ago I went back to the town he lives in and I ran into him. I got nervous to see him because, well it had been awhile and to be honest, I felt as though I looked like crap and then of course... I see HIM. Usually, it wouldn't be a big deal, but I've heard how he would talk about a girl if she gained weight, so that started going through my head.
Now the last time I saw him before this he had a GF. A relationship that had been going for awhile but in my opinion was volatile. Arguing and fighting in public...not good. Not only that but, I know for a fact that he had not been 100% to her. That being said. I left town and flew back home the next day for work...it's 2:30 in the morning and my phone rings....guess who?
I didn't answer and no message was left but, I had to laugh. I knew what that call was for. It's the same call I would get after we broke up. The call of "I'm not going to date you but I really like ____ing you." I got that call while he dated someone else. Yeah!! WHILE he had a girlfriend!!!
I don't think this guy is a bad guy...I think he has a good heart but I wonder...can this guy that cheats....ever be faithful?
Or take my ex for example. Here's a man that is very narcissistic. Everything is about them. "My day is hell...I've got corporate up my A$$...My job is so stressful." ON and ON and ON!!! I remember we wouldn't go places because he "might" have to do something for his job. It got old after awhile. Listening to a man that was too into himself and treated other people with no respect.
I remember he would say something or do something that was in my opinion mean...his response was this..."Erin you'll just have to get used to it...I'm an a$$hole." When I ran into one of the girls he used to work with she said, "Yeah he'd would say that all the time...and at first I thought he was being funny but, after I awhile I realized nope...he really was an A$$hole."
Now he's getting married again and I wonder is he REALLY any different? Granted every relationship is different but...the person in that relationship is still the same. They may treat someone slightly different but, unless they have a life altering moment they are the same.
I'll be interested to see how long that marriage lasts. Especially since the new bride to be thinks that he'll be a stay at home dad. AHHH YEAH! Don't see it. I can't imagine that a man that is a workaholic and self important will be "OK" just taking care of the kids and staying home awhile she is the breadwinner! RIGHT!
Now let's go to a guy I dated that I was SO hung up on. In fact, he's the guy that I would compare every guy I dated to. He had a LOT of great qualities. He was driven, loved his family, funny, good kisser, you get the picture. He was good to me and good for me. He made me feel good about myself when I just came from a relationship that I was made to feel #4 on the list.
After we broke up I was so depressed. I thought that he was the best I would ever find. We'll see if that is true down the line but I think now about some things and wonder if he would ever change.
Even though he was so complementary to me he also picked me apart. "Erin why didn't you tell my mom that her cooking was good? Why didn't you talk more or ask them questions? Why didn't you say thank you? Or...don't spit out your gum...don't say that."
To you it may seem like little things but to me I NOW see them as control. I don't think he did that to be a bad guy...I think that he had it in his head how things should go and if you didn't live up to that you disappointed him. I truly think he's a great guy and good boyfriend, I just think that he's critical and picky and likes things they way he likes it. Sometimes I wonder if he knows that not everyone was raised like him.
Now will he ever change? Will he let things not be so perfect and let a girl be who she is...rather than what he wants them be to be? I guess we'll see. The last I heard he was just staring to date a girl. If she ever meets the folks I hope she tells the mom that she loves her cooking. :) It is good cooking!
I know that I've change a little because I've learned things along the way but, I've also remained the person that I've always been. Do I show my appreciation more...I think so. Have I learned not to be such a doormat...I'm working on that too.
For instance, a guy smacks around his girlfriend. In his next relationship does he suddenly change and treat the next girlfriend like a princess? Or a guy cheats...doesn't he always cheat?
I thought about a guy I dated not too long ago. About a month ago I went back to the town he lives in and I ran into him. I got nervous to see him because, well it had been awhile and to be honest, I felt as though I looked like crap and then of course... I see HIM. Usually, it wouldn't be a big deal, but I've heard how he would talk about a girl if she gained weight, so that started going through my head.
Now the last time I saw him before this he had a GF. A relationship that had been going for awhile but in my opinion was volatile. Arguing and fighting in public...not good. Not only that but, I know for a fact that he had not been 100% to her. That being said. I left town and flew back home the next day for work...it's 2:30 in the morning and my phone rings....guess who?
I didn't answer and no message was left but, I had to laugh. I knew what that call was for. It's the same call I would get after we broke up. The call of "I'm not going to date you but I really like ____ing you." I got that call while he dated someone else. Yeah!! WHILE he had a girlfriend!!!
I don't think this guy is a bad guy...I think he has a good heart but I wonder...can this guy that cheats....ever be faithful?
Or take my ex for example. Here's a man that is very narcissistic. Everything is about them. "My day is hell...I've got corporate up my A$$...My job is so stressful." ON and ON and ON!!! I remember we wouldn't go places because he "might" have to do something for his job. It got old after awhile. Listening to a man that was too into himself and treated other people with no respect.
I remember he would say something or do something that was in my opinion mean...his response was this..."Erin you'll just have to get used to it...I'm an a$$hole." When I ran into one of the girls he used to work with she said, "Yeah he'd would say that all the time...and at first I thought he was being funny but, after I awhile I realized nope...he really was an A$$hole."
Now he's getting married again and I wonder is he REALLY any different? Granted every relationship is different but...the person in that relationship is still the same. They may treat someone slightly different but, unless they have a life altering moment they are the same.
I'll be interested to see how long that marriage lasts. Especially since the new bride to be thinks that he'll be a stay at home dad. AHHH YEAH! Don't see it. I can't imagine that a man that is a workaholic and self important will be "OK" just taking care of the kids and staying home awhile she is the breadwinner! RIGHT!
Now let's go to a guy I dated that I was SO hung up on. In fact, he's the guy that I would compare every guy I dated to. He had a LOT of great qualities. He was driven, loved his family, funny, good kisser, you get the picture. He was good to me and good for me. He made me feel good about myself when I just came from a relationship that I was made to feel #4 on the list.
After we broke up I was so depressed. I thought that he was the best I would ever find. We'll see if that is true down the line but I think now about some things and wonder if he would ever change.
Even though he was so complementary to me he also picked me apart. "Erin why didn't you tell my mom that her cooking was good? Why didn't you talk more or ask them questions? Why didn't you say thank you? Or...don't spit out your gum...don't say that."
To you it may seem like little things but to me I NOW see them as control. I don't think he did that to be a bad guy...I think that he had it in his head how things should go and if you didn't live up to that you disappointed him. I truly think he's a great guy and good boyfriend, I just think that he's critical and picky and likes things they way he likes it. Sometimes I wonder if he knows that not everyone was raised like him.
Now will he ever change? Will he let things not be so perfect and let a girl be who she is...rather than what he wants them be to be? I guess we'll see. The last I heard he was just staring to date a girl. If she ever meets the folks I hope she tells the mom that she loves her cooking. :) It is good cooking!
I know that I've change a little because I've learned things along the way but, I've also remained the person that I've always been. Do I show my appreciation more...I think so. Have I learned not to be such a doormat...I'm working on that too.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
THE RECURRING ISSUES...I STRUGGLE WITH...MAYBE YOU TOO
We all have those things in our life that seem to stay around us. For everyone it's different. Some people have an issue with dating the wrong people. Well...I think that's most people. Others have issues with their temper, depression, alcohol. Some have a lifetime issue of weight. What's your issue?
I was thinking the other day about how I'm feeling pretty good about most things in my life. I've got a great job, I like where I live...AND...I LOVE TEXAS!!! I'm dating someone that seems to be a good guy so far. I can't complain about much. The one thing that I don't like right now is my weight.
Now, am I obese? NO! I know that, but since leaving Milwaukee, my gym, my freinds who were my workout partners...I've gotten a little soft. (In my opinion) Now you're not going to look at me and say, "Wow...Erin's really packing on the pounds." It's something that I notice. Some of my pants from last summer are tight...that skirt that once was my fat skirt...is now my regular skirt.
I think most women in general struggle with weight and/or body image issues. This isn't the first time I've been like this. That's when I gained soome weight while being married and was bigger than I wanted to be. I didn't have any support at home which didn't help. I finally got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and decided to stop driving myself crazy and get going.
I joined a gym and got a(spendy)trainer. He got me motivated! Was it partially because he was cute and complimented me...maybe...but it worked...I lost about 20 lbs in a few months. It was just I needed. I regained my confidence.
It's now 3 years later...I've gained some of the weight back(not all of it)and I need to find my motivation again. I find myself getting disgusted with my body in the mirror. I find myself looking up all these random recipes and tips on the internet. What I need to do is get my butt out there and whoop my own butt like I'm in bootcamp.
People look at me and say I've nothing to worry about, but when I go to my closet and my clothes are cutting off my air...I need to do something about it. At the moment, I'm not in a gym because I need to save my money for awhile. So that's means hitting the good outdoors. Although, it's been SO hot here in Houston that I don't want to even look outside let alone run out there.
I NEED TO FIND MY MOTIVATION! Maybe I need to start a workout club. Get a bunch of people online or whatever to keep each other in line. People helping each other out with the stuff that's kept them going and things that have worked for them.
Just a thought...
I was thinking the other day about how I'm feeling pretty good about most things in my life. I've got a great job, I like where I live...AND...I LOVE TEXAS!!! I'm dating someone that seems to be a good guy so far. I can't complain about much. The one thing that I don't like right now is my weight.
Now, am I obese? NO! I know that, but since leaving Milwaukee, my gym, my freinds who were my workout partners...I've gotten a little soft. (In my opinion) Now you're not going to look at me and say, "Wow...Erin's really packing on the pounds." It's something that I notice. Some of my pants from last summer are tight...that skirt that once was my fat skirt...is now my regular skirt.
I think most women in general struggle with weight and/or body image issues. This isn't the first time I've been like this. That's when I gained soome weight while being married and was bigger than I wanted to be. I didn't have any support at home which didn't help. I finally got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and decided to stop driving myself crazy and get going.
I joined a gym and got a(spendy)trainer. He got me motivated! Was it partially because he was cute and complimented me...maybe...but it worked...I lost about 20 lbs in a few months. It was just I needed. I regained my confidence.
It's now 3 years later...I've gained some of the weight back(not all of it)and I need to find my motivation again. I find myself getting disgusted with my body in the mirror. I find myself looking up all these random recipes and tips on the internet. What I need to do is get my butt out there and whoop my own butt like I'm in bootcamp.
People look at me and say I've nothing to worry about, but when I go to my closet and my clothes are cutting off my air...I need to do something about it. At the moment, I'm not in a gym because I need to save my money for awhile. So that's means hitting the good outdoors. Although, it's been SO hot here in Houston that I don't want to even look outside let alone run out there.
I NEED TO FIND MY MOTIVATION! Maybe I need to start a workout club. Get a bunch of people online or whatever to keep each other in line. People helping each other out with the stuff that's kept them going and things that have worked for them.
Just a thought...
Thursday, September 10, 2009
IT'S BEEN AWHILE
It's been awhile...on several fronts. It's been a couple weeks since I wrote my last blog, and it's been awhile since I've actually dated someone. I'll get to that in a sec.
I may have mentioned that I went on my 1st date since last November. Well...I'm actually STILL dating this person...A MONTH LATER!!! WHAT??? That's crazy! In all seriousness things are going well.
Now what's funny to me is that I broke one of my dating rules by going out with him. I always had this rule of not dating a guy that had a certain profession. In my experience and that of my friends...I noticed that these guys had authority complexes. Meatheads almost. Even possibly sexist...BUT I decided to give it a shot despite my preconceived notions.
The 1st date was good...and so was the next. So far it seems to going well. (Although at the moment he's MIA...hope that's not a sign) Anyway, he's seems like a very nice guy. He even sends me nice little messages. Which is a HUGE plus for me. What girl doesn't like that stuff.
So I guess we'll see what happens..going in with a open mind and trying keep the heart open without any fears.
I may have mentioned that I went on my 1st date since last November. Well...I'm actually STILL dating this person...A MONTH LATER!!! WHAT??? That's crazy! In all seriousness things are going well.
Now what's funny to me is that I broke one of my dating rules by going out with him. I always had this rule of not dating a guy that had a certain profession. In my experience and that of my friends...I noticed that these guys had authority complexes. Meatheads almost. Even possibly sexist...BUT I decided to give it a shot despite my preconceived notions.
The 1st date was good...and so was the next. So far it seems to going well. (Although at the moment he's MIA...hope that's not a sign) Anyway, he's seems like a very nice guy. He even sends me nice little messages. Which is a HUGE plus for me. What girl doesn't like that stuff.
So I guess we'll see what happens..going in with a open mind and trying keep the heart open without any fears.
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