It seems like just yesterday yet, it seems so long ago that I turned 30. It was a non-eventful one. I lived in a new city and didn't have any friends. The only people I knew were my 2 morning show co-hosts and their wives. I was somewhat recently divorced and the relationship I got in post divorce just ended. There were a lot of life changes I was experiencing around the same time.
Flash forward 10 years. I live in a different city. I have a job that I've been at for almost 8 years now. My role has changed about 4 times in the time frame, but we're doing good. I have been single for most of that time, but also was engaged very briefly. There's been some interesting and great learning experiences during the last 10 years.
So here I am 1 month away from turning the BIG 4-OH. I've been on a kick of losing weight and getting fit by my big day. I planned a big trip for myself to hopefully have some enlightening moments.
There's definitely some things I struggle with this big birthday.
* I'm not sure where I thought my life would be, but I definitely thought it would be AND feel different.
* If you would have told me back in 2005 when I was 27, getting a divorce, that 12 years later I was still single and trying find my person, I would've probably asked the bartender for the strongest drink he had.
* If you would've told me that time would fly by as fast as it has, I would've taken more vacation days. I would've done more things to get out and see the world. I wouldn't have worked every holiday because I felt guilty.
Still being single is something I really struggle with. (SHOCKER!!) I just have a hard time believing that in the last 10 years or so that no one has come along that is a good fit for me. It's especially frustrating when I have my girl friends, my guy friends, and my friends parents tell me that they don't get why I haven't found someone. (This will be a topic for another blog) When I hear them say that it gets me down. It makes me feel like I have something wrong with me.
Over the last 10 years I've learned a lot and I've been through a lot, but I know I still have so much to learn. Some things I want to do differently after turning 40
* I want to do a better job of standing up for myself.
Whether it's in my search for my lobster or with other aspects of my life, I've let people take advantage of me. I've let guys take advantage of me. I've let people walk all over me, and take advantage of my kindness. I don't want to become some militant hard ass, but I should stop letting guys disrespect me and stop letting people take advantage of me.
* Stop worrying about trivial guy crap or trivial crap in general
I've spent way too much time over the years worrying about if some guy liked me or not. I need to start telling myself that if a guy doesn't want to date me than that's his issue and not mine. I'm frickin' Erin Austin! I'm funny, have a good job, I'm decent looking, I'm talented, have a good heart and I'm a good person with great friends. If a guy doesn't want to be a part of my world than I should just let him be.
* Stop worrying about my age so much
Does that mean I'm going to let myself go and stop coloring my hair? No, I'm still going to keep myself looking as young as I can for as long as I can, but I'm going to try like hell not to let the number of my age affect how I feel about myself or worry about if my age scares off guys. 'Cuz if it does...than go to the point I made above.
I mean, look at all the women in their 40's + that look amazing: Gwen Stefani, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lopez...I mean there's a ton of them. And you know what else? A lot of these ladies are with younger guys! BOOM!!! So there! As someone said to me the other day..."The boys love the cougars!!"
So as much as I'm freaking out about this milestone birthday and where I am in my life, I'm here and the only thing I can do is keep learning, keep experiencing, and be the best Erin Austin I can be and hopefully it will all come together.
Cheers to older women!!