One of my recent dating experiences has had my scratching my head for awhile. I met this super funny, attractive, successful guy on a dating app. We spent a good month messaging before we met for our first date. The banter was great and on the first date the great banter continued. He was hilarious! He was really great at asking questions to get to know me. (which was different) The date ended with a walk towards my car and a quick hug goodbye. We kept texting and messaging, but he wasn't asking me out again. I finally asked him if he was interested in meeting up again. He told me that he wouldn't keep messaging if he wasn't interested, but his job had him working and traveling a lot. Combine that with being new to town and not in his new place yet it made made things difficult. OK...so there's that. I get it.
Well another month or so goes by and we meet up again for a drink. Over the course of the next week or so we hang out a couple more times. In that time he got off the dating app and deleted his account. However, on our last "date" he told me that basically he wasn't ready to date. Hence, why he got off the app. He said that since he just moved to Houston he wasn't ready to answer to anyone. In a way I could understand where he was coming from, but then there was that part of me that was reading between the lines. What I heard him say was, "Hey I'm new to town and want to keep my options open and not be tied down."
While he explained his position of not wanting to date and things he wanted to do differently with dating in the future, I got the "You're great" speech. He told me that we have the same sense of humor and we can have a actual conversation. He finds me attractive and said I have pretty eyes. All of that is very nice, but apparently that's not enough.
Sabrina Alexis wrote, If He's Sending You Mixed Messages, The Message Is Clear: He Doesn't Like You. There's a couple things she said that really smacked me in the face. This paragraph was one of them:
In the end, the guys who liked me were the ones who clearly liked me. The guys who had my head spinning were maybe a bit interested, maybe somewhat attracted to me, but they didn’t like me … not enough anyway.
She went on to say that, "He may want to hang out with with you, he may want to hook up with you, but that's not the same as being with you."
Sabrina did also mention later in the article that "Sometimes a guy just isn't in a place where he can be in a relationship. Maybe he has deeply ingrained trust issues, maybe he just isn’t ready, maybe he’s struggling with his career." His career was the main reason I got from him not wanting to date. So when Sabrina follows up with "And if he isn’t demonstrating he likes you in an obvious way, then he doesn’t like you enough."
What sucks is...she's right. The guy that got me all smitten, just isn't that smitten with me...for whatever reason. And there's nothing I can do to change his mind. I can't convince him that I am awesome. He's either going to see that on his own or he isn't. And if really isn't ready, there's nothing I can do about that either.
After I read that article I was bummed out for sure. I think what bummed me out the most was the word ENOUGH. I think most girls want to know that they are enough for someone. I know that's what I want in a relationship. I know that there will always be a girl that's prettier, skinnier, or younger. I want to know that even when those girls out there, that my guy looks at me as a total package and I'm ENOUGH for him.
I'm not saying this guy is bad or a jerk. He's been pretty upfront with me. So, whatever the reason is for him not wanting to date me, it boils down to him not finding me "enough" to make things any different...at least not anytime soon. Even if the reason is him not being ready.