Saturday, May 1, 2010


The older I get the more I become aware of married men. When I was younger and sometimes even now I didn't think to look at the guy’s finger for a ring. However, in the last couple years I've started becoming more and more diligent about looking for the ring of "don't go there."

You might remember the story of the married guy that I met while in Milwaukee. He didn't wear his ring and in fact, when I found out he was married it was the classic "I'm so unhappy, my wife doesn't understand me" story.

Well, it's about a year later and those two are still married and from what I hear they look like a happy couple when they're at the gym together. Although, I think that the Mrs. has had some fun on the side for awhile.

Anyway, let's go the recent meetings of married men. In the last 2 weeks I've had 2 different married guys hit on me.

One was in Vegas at the ACM Awards. I was introduced to him by an associate of his. He is in the band for a VERY VERY famous country singer. We were having normal conversation till he made some off colour comment that was a bit forward.

He saw me look at his finger and I told him that a girl has to look for that stuff. He proceeded to tell me that his wife never wants to have relations with him and blah blah blah. When I asked, "If you're so unhappy why don't you just get divorced?" His response was, "Who said I’m unhappy?"

He then became even more forward with his trying to persuade me. I informed him that I'm not a Tiger Woods girl. He had a comeback for that one too. Saying that it was him that would be the A$$hole, not me. I couldn't believe my ears. The shear arrogance of this guy was unbelievable.

Needless to say, I started moving to different parts of the room to avoid his high pressure sales tactics.

Then, last week I was working an event at a bar for work. I was sitting with my coworker when 2 guys came up and started talking to us. Again, I noticed that one of them had a ring. He at first was being normal, but after several drinks and shots he became extremely flirty.

Telling me what an awesome girl I am and how gorgeous I am. Granted, all nice things to hear however, they sound better coming from a guy that's single.

I asked him what was on his finger. He said, "Oh, you and your questions." Obviously trying to avoid the subject. I asked, "Is that a wedding ring or did you get the ring at a flea market?" Again, he just tried to avoid it.

Turns out that the guy is indeed married and his friend even told me that he has 2 kids at home! AWESOME!

After meeting that guy I got sad a little. I just started to wonder, do all guys behave this way? Do they put on the facade that they are happy when they're at home and when they go out with the guys they act as though they are single? Part of me thought maybe I should stay single forever.

All of it made me sad. Not only are there men out there that act this way, but there are women who believe their crap or know its crap and don’t care.

Look at all the women that hooked up with Tiger knowing full and well that he was married with children. How despicable. Shame on all of them. Shame on the girl that doesn’t care if the guy's married. Shame on her for using the excuse "He's in an unhappy marriage." Shame on the girl that actually believes he'll leave his wife for you. Shame on the girl that doesn't think those actions hurt anyone. And shame on the guy that forgets that he made a commitment in front of God to love honour and cherish.

So the next time this may happen to you and you find yourself actually thinking that doing this would be a great idea. Just remember, you are hurting someone; and more than likely one of those people is yourself. Every action has a reaction and consequence.


Anonymous said...

Good for you for not falling for that load of crap these two jerks were trying to sell you.

I have a friend who, no matter what you tell her, somehow finds a way to believe that she's the special one that guys like this need. She actually believes that the wife is the problem & if this guy was with her he wouldn't behave that way.

No need to explain the outcome. She's currently hanging on desperately to a man that she knows has slept with more people than she can count since the start of their relationship. Now she believes that if he would only agree to counselling...

Hang in there. And don't lower you're standards. You'll find one that's good.

Anonymous said...

While it may be easy to dismiss ALL "married" guys looking for companionship to be "cheats" and "liars" there sometimes is more to the story.

Ex-spouses (or soon to be ex-spouses) have been known to use the children as pawns to try to keep the family intact, or to punish the other for falling out of love. I have not only seen it. I have experienced it. The family court system is full of cases where a spouse is so unreasonable that a divorce becomes a battle ground with untrue accusations and the children caught in the middle. Normal visitations are impossible.

So what's a guy to do? One option is to stay "married" and spare his children from the wrath of a vengeful woman and find a sympathetic lover; or drag the kids through hell. My situation got so bad at one point my ex once accused me of trying to kidnap the children when I showed up for visitation. Two police cars and curious neighbors turned the visitation into a circus. Some people (men and women) simply have a hard time with rejection and the weapons to "get back" at the other become the children. Sad but true.

I have been hit on many times by married women who were lonely. They claimed their husband didn’t pay attention to them and they wanted more from life.

Cheating is a two way street Erin. Get the facts before labeling everyone.

Erin Austin said...

I say figure it out!

I don't cme from a divorced family however, I think kids a lot more resilient than you give them credit for.

Also, I get being in a loveless marriage. Been there done that. I understand. Trust me...I understand when someone says they feel under appreciated or unloved.

With me...I decided that instead of being miserable...I got a divorce.

And're not the only person that your actions effect.

I don't know a women that's OK...with being the other woman for he rest of her life...OR...second best.

Think of that...even if a girl says that she's ok...with backburner...she's really hoping that you change your mind.

Anonymous said...

How many kids do you have? The reason I ask is because you seem to understand their resilience to emotional trauma. And your parents never divorced either. So what are you basing your opinions on? Certainly not any first-hand knowledge.

Another thing: Show me a person who is judgmental and closed minded and I'll show you a person who is kicked to the curb after only a few dates. Being in a loveless marriage and deciding to move on is hard. But when you have children involved the stakes are much different. Especially when you have look in your kids eyes and try to explain why things are going to change.

And based on your blogs I would also guess that you are probably not that open minded to trying new things in general. Which can translate into a boring bed partner. And that would be another reason why people "fall out of love" and move on. Have you heard that before? Sure, you're hot and look great. But somewhere along the line something is derailing your love life. At least according to what you share here.

Erin Austin said...

Bitter party of one!

Wow this doesn't surprise me! I write about people that cheat...and someone has a guilty conscience and takes it personal! Boo hoo. Try telling your kid that your wife decided to take you to the cleaner because you couldn't keep it on your pants!

Was I writing this about you? NO! Get over yourself.

There never and I mean never a circumstance that makes it acceptable to cheat! EVER! The moment that you come to terms with that the better.

It's not just you that's involved. Because of your're now affesting the kids, the wife(as much as you don't like her) she has feelings), the other woman...and so on.

If you think your wife is crazy now...wait till she finds out that you've been cheating on her. You think you're miserable now...WOW!

I have several dear friends that are children of that had had several step dads and she is a successful, kind, generous, and well adjusted woman.

I'm sure that there are kids that don't adjust...or use it as an excuse to hold them back.

I will say this...I think it's harder to have parents to divorce when your an adult vs. a child.

When you're adult you realize that the foundation that you were raised on was a complete lie for your entire life.

As for your cheap shot about being lame in bed...nice try. Maybe they're not good. But I would expect you to take low's apparent in your actions in other areas of your life...and as you also post anonymously. Coward!

Anonymous said...

Bitter party of one? Not really.

I am divorced and I did look my kids in the eye and tell them what was going on. No, I did not cheat but was tempted many times. And no I did not fill my kids heads with crap about what a bad person their mom is. So I actually took the high road.

The remark about being lame in bed was not meant to be a cheap shot. It has been my personal experience that those who are unwilling to see the whole picture rather than what fits their own values tend to be hard to get along with. And they also tend to be unwilling to try new things. Of course I use broad strokes here, but in general I think I'm accurate.

I'm sure you are a great person but you do seem to have opinions without the experience to back them up. I would trust the word of somebody who has actually "been there, done that."

So I guess a lunch date is out of the question? LOL

Erin Austin said...

The comment about being lame in bed was a cheap one and a very weird generalization.

No doubt I'm an opinioated reason I maybe divorced. I decided to speak up.

However, being non-adventurous is not something that has EVER been spoke of me.

You obviously don't know me.

I've been to various foreign countries on trips that I took solely by MYSELF. I think that shows an adventurous spirit.

And when I'm in a relationship...I think it's extrememly important to keep things fresh and exciting.

I shouldn't feel the need to justify myself to someone that attacked me personally when all I did was state my opinion about what is right morally. (in my opinion) but that's why everyone can have they're own opinion and people have their own free will to make decisions right and wrong.

God knows I've made a few bad ones.

Anonymous said...

Why so defensive?

Okay, you have opinions. That's not to say you are open minded.

Do you attribute your divorce to you speaking your mind or to being close minded? I would guess it might be both.

When you're in a relationship you think it's important to keep things fresh and exciting. That's fantastic, as long as your idea of "fresh and exciting" is similar to whoever you're dating. I don't know you but I will make an educated guess that we might have different thresholds of what constitutes "exciting." To me traveling by myself would not be. But, that's just me. It's great you did it and you'll have a lifetime of memories, and of course pictures taken by strangers.

You and I are communicating pretty well here! You know where I stand. And I know that you are close minded but opinionated. Answer me this Erin. Were you a fan of Sex In The City?

So no lunch? Damn.

Erin Austin said...

I'm done.

You remind of my ex-husband who always had to have the last word and ALWAYS thought he was right...but then thought he was a psychologist at the same time.

I'm over it.

Have a great day and thanks for reading!

Holly said...

WOW! This guy is awesome! Finally a man who acts like a man and isn't afraid to piss off somebody by saying what he thinks! I may not agree with everything he thinks but I LOVE the fact he doesn't bow to being so PC! You can have lunch with me ANYTIME!

Erin Austin said...

Holly...God Bless you!

I guess I'm tired of being railroaded by a guy who thinks he knows everything and what's best for me.

Esp. those ones that don't know me. Over it.

I met a girl that only dates younger guys now because she's tired of the older ones trying to be controlling.

Anonymous said...

What the hell is wrong with you Holly? Are you into abusive relationships?

Fran said...

No kidding! This guy sounds like a total tool! So what if you travel by yourself because you've scared away all the guys. What does he care? Typical male attitude. Sees something is broken and wants to try to fix it. I HATE guys that do that!!!