Monday, June 1, 2009

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU'RE STANDING STILL?

With the beauty of having websites like Facebook and Myspace you get to keep up with friends in your life. Lately I've been keeping up with friends I haven't seen in awhile. One thing that I'm starting to notice is that every one's life is progressing, yet I feel like I'm in a weird holding pattern.

With all of my girlfriends here in town having boyfriends, I've noticed things in their life are progressing. Things seem to be moving forward. They spend their time with them now. They make their plans with them. While, I spend more time alone. Oh well, right? It's the nature of how things work.

Then I found some old friends and co-workers on Facebook. Some of the girls I knew were already divorced, remarried, and had babies. In fact, At least 3 girls I knew were either pregnant or have kids now. Let's see Erin...yep...not even close to having that happen.

I see with some of my friends that they're progressing and they've moved up in their job or switched jobs. And here I am, trying to figure out if I'll find a good job before next May. I feel as though I have nothing to update people on. "Yep, everybody...still single...still looking for a job...and yep still sleeping with my dog." At least I can look forward to the fact that Friday I have a job interview and and it could mean I'm progressing in one area of my life.

Obviously, right now I'm focused on work and where my next opportunity will be. How will I support myself? Will I be able to afford to buy a place or should I just rent? Will I live there for longer that 2 years? These are the things that I worry about. BUT...I can't help but feel like I'm behind.

I feel like my life is in a weird holding pattern and everyone else around me is moving forward with their life and I'm stagnant. I'm playing this weird waiting game. I'm waiting to move for my next job and until then...I'm stuck. I'm not able to move on with the rest of my life till I know what happens.

As much as I'd like to have the next chapter in my life going (boyfriend, married, house, blah blah blah), I feel like I can't date anyone seriously because I'll be moving, and let's face it...long distance doesn't work most of the time. I also feel like I've exhausted all the dating resources in this town anyway. Most guys that are from Milwaukee..never want to leave Milwaukee. And for me, staying isn't really an option. Sure, I could find a job doing something other than radio or TV. But, I'm not ready to get out of the business yet so, why should I stay? I have no boyfriend, No prospects for even a date, so what's the point.

I know deep down that the decision I've made to not date or attempt it, is the best one for me right now. I need to focus on Erin and what's best for her. I've lived most of my life following someone else around. I just hope that once I figure out where I'm going at least I can get the rest of my life going. Before I turn into the 40 year single chick like in Sex and the City!

9 comments:

Megan said...

Where has this optimism come from?? I like it!! I think you are on the right track now... take care of YOU and let the rest fall into place...
Good Luck Friday!!!

Erin Austin said...

Megan,

I'm glad you think I'm being optimistic, but I feel like I'm in the dumps right now.

I try to stay hopeful while praying that God will give me a break one of these days.

E

Rebecca said...

E -
Knowing you like I do, I could "read into" the sarcasm and the "in the dumps" feelings you've expressed in your blog. All I can say is, when you're feeling down, think about how much worse things could be. You could be sick, or without insurance, or a paycheck. Think about how I lived for 10 months - with NOTHING coming in (and all the crap that went along with it - house, car, no man, etc).

Instead, you should realize that this is your ideal time to figure things out. Or think about it this way: YOU have your life in the palm of your hands right now. YOU can play God with how things turn out. YOU have time to make any choice you want to!! Even if you're offered a good job in Timbucktoo, you have the "option" to say "no, thank you" - and try your luck elsewhere.

You are really in a good boat right now - and I know it's hard to see because you're focused on what you don't have. But try to remember that your friends from the past, who's lives have flashed forward 3 times over yours, don't have many options right now. They're at home with kids, or trying to work long hours to support their new lifestyle. They may not be doing what they love, or they are "stuck" in their chosen path. While YOU can make any decision you want to!!! I bet any money that some of them are envious of you for just that reason alone. You've been able to travel, and they're cooking dinner for their hubbies. I don't know....I'd just look at the upside to all of this. Your path is up to you.

*hugs*

Anonymous said...

You'd probably be surprised about what some of your facebook friends think about you. One of them who is married with crying babies at home may look at your profile and wish they were you, living the single life with a career in which you get to meet celebrities and do all sorts of things.

I wouldn't decide not to attempt to date just because you're moving. As frustrating as it is, if you want to be happy you have to go out and make yourself happy. It sounds like eventually finding a guy that you'd want to marry is important to you. If it is, you can't be passive about it. I heard on the radio the other day that when a lady is eye-balling a guy in a bar, on average it takes 13 eye-contacts between the two before the guy finally comes over to talk. Not saying that's you, but if so seriously just try approaching someone for a change. If it doesn't work out, atleast you'll know you made the most of an opportunity. Getting rejected always sucks, but in the end what does it matter? You know absolutely nothing will change in your life if you don't take risks like that. My point is you can't be passive about something you want. It always takes a little work and effort before an opportunity presents itself, it rarely ever comes knocking on your door.

Also be confident and don't sell yourself short either when it comes to finding someone. You're a beautiful gal who seems like a fun and friendly person to be around, that's more than alot of women can say. Also don't fall into the trap of profiling, like how most guys never want to leave Milwaukee, or anything like that. All it takes is just one person to surprise you.

Erin Austin said...

Rebecaa and Anonymous,

I know what you say is right.

I should focus on what I got instead of what I don't have. Just like the T.I. song. I know things could be worse and I could really be in a world of hurt so I'm thankful.

And I know that I shouldn't put all Milwaukee guys in one category but...I'm just going from my experience. All the guys that i met that are born and raised here have no aspirations to leave Milwaukee, they all want to be close to there mom. Whih is great and all but My mom hasn't paid my my bills since I was teenager.

I guess with not trying to date right now...I guess I'm trying to save myself the trouble for when I leave. My luck would be, I ACTUALLY find someone only to move in a few months later..or choose not to leave and give up my dreams again for a guy.

Anonymous said...

"All the guys that i met that are born and raised here have no aspirations to leave Milwaukee, they all want to be close to there mom. Whih is great and all but My mom hasn't paid my my bills since I was teenager." Way to insult all the men the milwakee area.

Erin Austin said...

Not trying to insult...making an observation.

Every guy that I've met, that is from here...has to stay near their family.

NOT AN INSULT...BUT A FACT!

Anonymous said...

There are many of us that can't wait for you to leave. So get off your ass already and go.

Erin Austin said...

Anonymous!

2 things for you...

#1 funny that you try to insult me...yet don't have enough balls to even make a fake name for yourself!! You're awesome!

#2 if you're not a fan of me...why if I'm not on the air anymore...do you continue to read my blog? Do you need another hobby besides being mean and spitful? YES YOU DO!