Monday, September 24, 2007


So I'm out tonight with the girls...having dinner and drinks. We discuss how we don't asked out and how guys never seem interested in us. We all have good CAREERS...we are self sufficient, pay for our own stuff, no debt, good looking, funny, not clingy. All good traits...or so I thought! And we aren't being conceited! FYI!

One of the girls said, "Oh guys are so intimidated by girls that have their stuff together here in Milwaukee." WHAT??? WAIT A SECOND??? ARE YOU SERIOUS??? Now I've heard that guys are intimidated by pretty fact, my ex-boyfriend tells me that I'm such a great package but guys may not ask me out because of what I do or maybe their scared. I always thought this was a cop-out. It was a way for us girls to make ourselves feel better, because guys weren't talking to us or showed no interest. NEVERMIND EVEN ASKING US OUT!

It's funny, as we all sat there we talked about how guys that are soooo not our type have NO problem asking us out or hitting on us, but the guys that we are interested in either just talk to us, never ask us out or simply NEVER call back. That is something I'm quite familiar with. HUMMM!

Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there. Maybe a guy or 2 can shed a little light on the situation.


Rebecca said...

Erin, Erin, Erin...It's this town most "BOYS" are too intimidated to approach the beautiful women...afraid they won't 'measure up' or that we'll turn them down. Most MEN that are put together themselves, confident and 'genuine' won't be intimidated. But other times, neither men nor boys will feel comfortable approaching you when you're with a group of beautiful women. That's the key. I've met the most wonderful men when it's just been me, and me alone - either via email or out and about.

I think we need to do a little 'social experiment' this week at Jazz in the Park....what do you think?? ;)

Anonymous said...

Erin, as a single man I am not afraid to approach women in Milwaukee or anywhere, but let me at least give you a tip...sometimes, as it would seem in this case, men are held back by groups of women, especially if its one man to several women. The man may not want to make the other women feel left out by focusing on one girl in particular. You might want to try stategically "going to the bathroom" in staged groups. Leaving a single female at the table to see if that guy will make the move you have been waiting for. Its just a thought that might bolster some confidence in the fellow. Also, its good to hear I live in a town full of shy men, more opportunities for me! Good luck Erin. You won't have any problems meeting that special guy, be patient and also, don't be afraid to make a move yourself every once in a while.

James said...

Well, I really don’t think independent women intimidate us (well maybe on the first meeting). I think women that are independent are more attractive then ones that are not. The question I would like to ask is “if your independent why does the guy always have to be the one that makes the first, second or third move?” The guy’s that make the moves at bars are the guy’s that are players or no how to break the ice. I think we are more intimidated by the other guy’s and that we don’t have the experience/confidence with the first move. Some guy’s are better on the one on one situation then with the group thing and it takes them longer to open up. We’re probably not much different then you in that aspect, if you really look at it (between men and women). Like you stated “We all have good CAREERS...we are self sufficient, pay for our own stuff, no debt, good looking, funny, not clingy. All good traits...” but we don’t know how to make the first move because we're not good at that part. We’re not the players…if you know what I mean.

Anonymous #1 said...

Rebecca is definitely right about men approaching women who are part of a group. You may think we aren’t listening, but every guy has been at the next table and overheard a group of women dissect a suitor/boyfriend/husband/ex with the kind of casual mercilessness of… imagery fails me- I don’t know of anything quite that cold. Guys do it, but we keep it superficial, and we lie to look good in front of the boys. When women do it, it’s clinically exact and it’s true.

I can’t speak for Milwaukee, I’m just a guy from the far outer ‘burbs (ok, small town), but having your “stuff together” may not be what you think it is. Guys want their wives/girlfriends to be self sufficient, maybe even independent, but we are often attracted to women who are, or have the appearance of, being a little helpless. Genetics? Conditioning? Both? Got me, I’ve just seen the pattern to often to discount it, but I can tell you that interpersonal dynamics are for more complex then just one or two variables.

And as far as looks go, “cute” is accessible, “pretty” is inaccessible, and “beautiful”, unattainable. A client of mine used to be a fashion model in New York- not a super model, but one that got regular work in the business. She can shut a guy down before the first five words are out of his mouth and she is ruthless about it. She’s smart and she has been around long enough to know it’s her looks that guys are interested in, and she won’t put up with it. (FWIW, she is also genuinely nice person once the “bowling” issue resolved.)

Remember in school when the quarterback got the prettiest girl? Believe me, guys remember, and not many of us were the quarterback. Men also have problems with self confidence and when presented with a choice between a cute girl that we have a chance with and a pretty girl that seems like a long shot, we are going to play it safe and go with cute. And relationships also have economics- the more attractive the women is the more resources a guy needs to get the girl- a fancy car, nice house, good job, or at least that how it works in a guys head. You can tell me how true that may be, but even if it’s not, the perception may well be more important then the truth.

Scott said...

Erin here is my comment. After living in the Milwaukee area for far too long one thing which I've learned is that the attractive women here generally are attracted to men who have less stellar credentials in terms in terms of financial stability, past relationship history, careers and I could go on. Based on this history I find myself approaching and talking to the less attractive women because I feel that they are more open and receptive to a good conversation. I've also found that these middle of the road women in terms of looks have more stable careers, are more independent and less reliant on men for their mental and financial stability.

In summary in the Milwaukee area I do believe that men are intimidated by attractive woman because men feel that attractive women come with too much baggage.

Brad Pitt said...

Just curious - when you said guys who are "so not your type" - does that mean guys who are not attractive (not ugly - just not Brad Pitt?)

Great blog and welcome to Milwaukee.

erin austin said...

Well "Brad"...Like everyone physical attraction is a factor in the beginning...but if you're looking for a possible partner other things are a factor.

For instance, does this guy have goals? Do he have his stuff together?

My ex-husband and last boyfriend were attractive but not Brad Pitt.

But Brad Pitt would be nice maybe once!


Anonymous said...


I have been reading the responses on your blog, and although normally I would not do this I just had to respond. I consider myself a pretty good catch. I have a good job, own my own home,and have been described as cute. I don't think men and women are all that different, epsecially after reading James's post. I find I get more intimidated especially when I am interested in someone and he is checking out the supermodel barbie doll type. Then I start to think oh my gosh I can't measure up to that.


Mike said...

Erin... Rebecca hit it right on the head. BOYS are intimidated... MEN are "fearless."

I disagree though about the group thing. When I was single... I would always approach a group. I wasn't intimidated by having 5 attractive women to talk to... but every group had that one... that "mother hen" who would try & take every single girl away at one time or another during the night. It was horrible... and she was always the "prissiest" one of the bunch. So I started to talk to the married one of the group... ended up being WAY more fun!

Maybe that's why Mil-town men are "afraid" to approach anymore... because every group has that "prissy one" whose instincts about a man are always way off-kilter, thus making it impossible for the good, eligible men to meet a woman like you! :-)

He'll come around... soon.

Anonymous said...

I feel rally ticked off as i see a nice looking woman that I wanna talk to ,
and most of the time thier either totally busy or intimidated by real talk, and real things in life,
Ive never met one that i could talk to and fel at ease with without her feeling either nervous or shy or like she's totally out of it,
I see couples walking but not holding hands or the girl is a know it all even if she is nice looking or in pride,
and then most of ther ones i see dont know how to talk , or all you want is sex with them as theres nothing else there,
Really dissapointing,
I wish someone that understands would email me and wanna talk and be personable with me, I mean is that too much to ask?

Anonymous said...

Rebecca,,,,Nooo,,,,, Its just the opposite?
I see ones in places and they wont say hi to you and wont act if your even there, or act like a snot pot,
i see this junk all the time with so called nice looking woman dressed nice hair done nice and smell really good,
but thier out for money, or they think they have to act off in some way or hang around the loser crowd,
like the nice personable girl that gets blinded by the loser crowd and then ends up nowhere,
Im not intimidated by woman but i dont like alot of thier silly, or sneaky things they do, or ignore you like a spoiled brat when thier with thier little friend's,