HOW AM I DOING NOW?

Well, it's been 2 weeks...2 weeks since I've been on the air. Also, almost 2 weeks since the guy I was seeing removed himself so I could figure out my next steps.  I could sit here and act like every day is sunshine and rainbows, but that would be a lie. While I'm trying my best to keep a positive attitude and be optimistic, sometimes there's a lot to think about and sometimes I get overwhelmed with worry, and then I have a bad day.

This is honestly one of the weirdest places I've ever been in my life. As I mentioned before, the times in my past when I needed to find a new job, I didn't have to look long or I had a cushion with a salary. This time the cushion is basically a standard size pillow vs. a king-size bed. 

Now one of the simple things that brightens my day is when someone sends me a message. One of those messages was from Roula Christie. People in Houston would know her from 104.1 KRBE. Her message was a rather unexpected one, but it was incredibly appreciated. She gave me some words of encouragement, which meant a lot to me. One thing she said, was that she knows that I'll go through a rollercoaster of emotions...and she was right.

I've cried myself to sleep. I've woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety. Somedays I've been totally fine, and then the next day I feel overwhelmed and I cry all over again. There's just a lot to think about. Granted, I'm a worrier in general, but this is definitely a tough place to be.  

 

As for support, my friends have been amazing. So many of them checking up on me and wanting to meet up. The only thing that's been disappointing is the lack of support from my mom. I text my mom the day I was let go and somehow she didn't get the message. The next day I text her again asking if she got my text and she said she didn't. I told her "I lost my job yesterday." Her response? "Praying for you! What happened?" That was it. Needless to say, that was a stab in the heart. I didn't even respond. Nor do I think I will. Not only was that the worst response a parent could give outside of not replying at all, but it was also disappointing that my mom didn't even think to call me.  

When my dad died, I was there to answer the call, I was there to help get things going with cleaning up the house and funeral arrangements, and I was there to let my mom live with me for 6 months after my dad died so that my brother could start repairing the house. When has my mom been there for me? I can't even think of the last time. Certainly not now. I know if my dad were still alive, he would've called me a million times till I answered his call. My mom on the other hand doesn't even bother. 

So many people have sent me positive messages saying that I'm super talented and they know I'll find a great opportunity before I know it. While I want to believe them and hope they're right, I can't help but think of the reality of the situation. The reality...is that there aren't as many jobs in my industry as there once were. Corporate radio companies are cannibalizing themselves. Whether they overextended themselves financially or always had the intent to downsize their talent pool, the opportunities in my line of work are harder and harder to come by. Never mind the fact that it's a pandemic and 29 million Americans are also out of work and trying to figure out their life.  

Now, one thing that made me feel better is when my former boss Bruce Logan called me to give me the dad pep talk. In the past when his name popped up on my phone my butt would pucker a bit because I thought I did something wrong. This time I was so happy to see his name pop up and to talk to him. He gave me some really good sound advice, but also a bit of encouragement. He said that I'm very talented and I'm a girl and those things will help me when looking for a new job. 

 

I've had several people tell me about other jobs in radio to consider. I've even had people help me think of jobs in different lines of work that I would be good at. Several people have suggested I get into TV, but it's not like there are tons of jobs in that arena either. I know I have many talents and skills that can be used outside of radio; if that's something I decided to do, but honestly, I don't know what I want to do. Do I stay in radio and move to take a job and start all over again and hope that the new company or station doesn't go through some corporate restructuring, or do stay here and find other ways to use those talents and see what happens? 

I'm making progress in getting my stuff together for the job search.  I have my website up, I've been getting my airchecks and resume stuff together, and compiling contacts to reach out to.  There's a lot that lies ahead.  So hopefully,  I'll be able to figure this out soon. (Fingers crossed) 

TODAY I TURN A NEW PAGE

 

Today I turn a new page in my life.  Yesterday 9/10/20 was my last day on 100.3 The Bull in Houston and on 99.5 The Wolf in Portland.  

This was a day I dreaded thinking about.  Honestly, sometimes I would try to envision what it would feel like and how I would react, but when I would try and go there with my thoughts, I would get a lot of anxiety.  I often would think about what my next moves might be and what I could do.   Part of my anxiety stemmed from where I am in my life.  I'm a single woman in my early 40's.  I have no husband to share an income with, no backup plan or partner, and no family close by or any family able to really help if I needed it.  No one takes care of Erin's bills, but Erin. The other part of my anxiety stemmed from the current state of the business and the climate of the job market. 

My Journey

My journey to Houston started on August 3, 2009, when I drive down from Milwaukee to Houston to take a new job at KILT-FM doing mornings with Hudson and Harrigan.  While the opportunity was a pay-cut, I knew that sometimes you need to take a step backward to make that make that leap forward.  

In that time of working at KILT/The Bull, I was started off doing Mornings, then middays, then afternoons, and then back to middays where I stayed for the last 5 years.  I survived numerous rounds of layoffs, 4 different bosses, and made it through the sale of a company.  

I’ve had so many great experiences. I’ve met so many great people including listeners, artists, clients, and coworkers.  I’ve learned so much in my time here.  I’ve had some really great moments.

I don’t know what the future holds.  Frankly,  that part scares me a lot.  I haven’t quite been in this position before.  The times in my career where I found myself really needing to finding a job, I was lucky to have had things work out just in time.

The first time was when I was 20 working in Portland OR at KUPL.  I was full-time Production Assistant and part-time on-air.  I came in one day and part of my position was eliminated.  My salary and benefits were gone.  I was left with part-time on-air at $12 for 6 hours a week.  It was at that time my roommate moved out and the rent was coming due soon.  Luckily, I knew I wanted to be full time on-air so I had applied for a job in Eugene.    Within about the same week of that all happening, I was offered that job in Eugene and was on my way.   I always look back and believe that God was really looking out for me at that moment. 

The next time was when I was in Milwaukee.  I was on 94.5 WKTI, a legendary Hot AC station starting a morning show that was coming on after the beloved long-running morning show Reitman and Mueller.  Mathew Blades in The Morning was the new face of KTI and the uphill battle began.   I thought we had a great show.  I loved my co-hosts Mathew Blades and AJ (aka now known as Marco) and I loved our boss Bob Walker. 

Unfortunately, our show was only given about a year before the company decided to flip formats on the station and we were out.  My saving grace was that I had a “No cut” contract.  Since the company was in financial trouble they wouldn’t pay out our contracts. Instead, I came in every day for 8 hours and walked around the 2 radio stations and the TV station to see if anyone needed anything done.  That lasted 6 months or so until finally landed my job here in Houston. 

Both of those situations were ones where I feel lucky.  I feel like things worked out and someone was looking out for me.  I’m hoping that this time I still have the same luck and blessings. 

Just a couple of weeks ago I was celebrating National Radio Day and my accomplishment of being with the station for 11 years.  I, for once was tooting my horn of what I’ve been able to do in my career.   I was proud to have made it at the station I loved for as long as I did, and was proud of the fact that I’ve been able to work in a business I love for as long as I have.   Like I said in my National Radio Day post, “ Despite what is happening, I’m so thankful that I’m able to do what I do for a living after all these years.  As a child that would sit in her bedroom at night listening to scratchy AM radio, to the teenager that would call the DJs and win all the prizes, my obsession became my profession.  That’s something I’m pretty proud of."

I know that a rollercoaster of emotions lies ahead. 

Am I scared? Absolutely.  

Am I sad? I’m heartbroken.  

Am I worried? Yes without a doubt.  

Am I questioning myself? I'm fighting the self-doubt, but I’m a bit lost at the moment.  

I feel as though I’ve had a death or I’m just going through a really bad break up that I didn’t see coming.  I had no idea this would be my situation today.  Part of me wishes I did so that I had time to absorb the reality and have a plan going in my head.  However, life often hits you when you least expect it.  

 

I’m so thankful for all those that I’ve worked with over the years at KILT/100.3 The Bull.  I’m thankful to those that hired me, believed in me, fought for me, and encouraged me. Without their help over the years, I wouldn't have made it to this point.

I also want to thank every person that has reached out, called, text, and gave me words of encouragement.  In this time of uncertainty, evaluation, and self-reflection, I appreciate every bit of positivity and love I can get.  

I don’t know what my next opportunity will be, but I know in my heart that I have so much more to offer and I have many more talents that I still have to share. I don’t want to believe for a second that this is my last day in radio or on the radio.  Whatever my path is to be, I pray that God, the universe, or whoever is listening, will help show me my way and I’ll be able to shine.