RELATIONSHIPS AND THE FEAR THAT CREEPS IN

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog.  There’s various reasons for that.  I started dating someone. Work got busy. I also wanted to compile topics to write about including this one.

In the last 7 months I’ve been dating someone who has been so great in so many ways. And if you know me or have followed my blog at all over the years, you know that I've had some trials and tribulations when it comes to relationships.  I got married pretty young and was divorced before 30.  I spent much of my 30's single, trying to figure it out. Then, in my mid 30's I was briefly engaged to a cheating narcissist.  Now I'm in a budding relationship and that's why I write this blog entry.

Today I want to talk about the fear.  The fear that comes to me when I'm in a relationship and I start to care.  The fear I have of having my heart broken again. The fear I have when I worry about what the future holds.  The fear of getting my happy ending.  The fear that I have of not being loved for who I am.

We all have insecurities and baggage we carry.  Whether its from past relationships or from something more deep rooted. We all have things that don't make us perfect.  Some of my baggage I don't wish on my worst enemy.  While I've made amazing strides over the years to fix some of the things that I've let me weigh me down, there's other things that I still haven't been able to shake. However, I'm still a work in progress.




When it comes to my current relationship, I fear because I care.  The more I care, the more I get attached and sometimes when I get more attached that's when the insecurity and fear comes in; which may seem a little backwards to some people.  I think part of the reason that I'm feeling some of that fear is because we haven't been dating too incredibly long.  So my biggest fear right now is the fear that they'll change their mind.  I think that's one of biggest fears with relationships in general.  It's that fear that the person you're with will one day decide they're done with you. Maybe when things get a little tough they decide, like so many people do these days, that they don't want to deal with it or you and they're out. So many people in the dating world are super picky and when a relationship gets a little tough or if there's something they don't like about that person, they leave and cut that person loose.

I think I fear that because of the other big fear I have, not being loved for who I am.  Many times in the past I'd have guys I dated pick me apart, so I've become super sensitive to criticism, hence the fear of them changing their mind.  That fear of them changing their mind also comes from how our current world is.  So many of us have the attitude that there's something better.  They have the attitude  of "Why would I date this person when I'm sure there's a person around the corner that's better, more attractive, makes money, smarter, or a better match?   So many people are in relationships with someone that's so incredibly flawed and they stay with them, but I, for some reason, deep down fear that if I'm not perfect, the person I'm with will not love me. 

While I know I shouldn't have these fears because I can't control the future or what happens, sometimes I can't help it and I let those fears creep in.  My co-worker said something that sticks with me. He said, What you fear is what you find." I try to remember that when I find myself falling in that hole of fear.  Maybe I need to do more positive self talk.  I know I could probably use it.  I'm just not sure if I'll ever to totally get rid of all of it.  I think sometimes I'm wanting someone to tell me it's going to alright and that they won't hurt me.