I dated a guy for a couple months and in that amount of time he seemed to really into me, but there was one thing that prevented us from ever moving forward. He was still friends with his ex. The ex that was the first girl he ever loved. I knew going into dating him that he hadn't had a lot of real relationship experience. He had been a player for many years and his last relationship was pretty much the first real one he ever had. In the back of my head I was a little apprehensive about these facts. However, since he seemed so into me I thought it was ok to proceed.
I went into dating him with nothing interfering me. He, on the other hand always had her in the picture. I truly never stood a chance. He said he knew that he needs to cut her out of his life, but just never did it and was waiting until he had to, but the problem is he'll never get to that point because no relationship will flourish with the ghost of the ex always lingering. No girl on the planet would want to live in the shadow of the ex. No girl wants to feel like they're the second choice.
The problem wasn't the fact that he was still friends with her, it was the fact that their lives were still so intertwined together. Turns out that they talked all the time and saw each other quite a bit. They were friends on every social media apparatus possible. I think they also still relied on each other for comfort. Who knows all that went on behind my back.
I think there was a part of him that wanted to move forward with his life, but it's clear that she hasn't and she kept popping her head back in...and he allowed it. Personally, I don't think she ever moved on and started dating other people at all. I think that he broke up with her, and she was and IS still holding on, hoping, and can't let go even though from the sounds of why they broke up...it won't work because the trust has been broken multiple times and unless someone goes to counseling to work past it...IT WILL NEVER CHANGE! Even then, counseling can only help so much.
There was one time that he blocked her and they were done. He said it was a clean break, but that clean break lasted a whopping 24 hours. It lasted until the ex called up and begged to still stay in his life and once again he agreed.
Part of me also thinks that he's still in love with her, but knows that they're toxic, and yet for some reason can't or chooses not to move forward. Maybe there's a part of him that thinks maybe "this time" it'll be different. However, we all know what the definition of insanity is...When you do the same thing over and over again, but expect different results. They've tried at least 2-3 times and have got the same results. At some point you just need to cut your losses and realize that sometimes no matter how hard you want it to work...it just won't. Although, it's not my relationship. It just upsets me that their screwed up back and forth, and not being able to let go, was standing in my way of having a relationship. Again, I never stood a chance.
No matter how much of a great girl I am and all the amazing things that I have to offer...none of it was enough for him to move forward. Because in the end, he would rather deal with the bad of the past than the good that could be in the future. It's scary to move on. Trust me...I struggled for years with moving on from my first relationship. Not because I wanted it back, but because it was hard for me to fathom that a person I spent so much of my life with, doesn't belong in it anymore. I also wanted an apology I never got and I held myself back because of it...until one day snapped out of it and I accepted the situation for what it was. Sometimes you have to accept what it is and rip the bandaid off.
Be alone for awhile, heal, and look forward to things that will be great in the future.
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