Thursday, March 27, 2014

DO MY FRIENDS HAVE BETTER LIVES?

There's a new show about to debut on CBS called 'Friends With Better Lives' that has inspired me to write this blog.  It's something that I've noticed myself doing numerous times.  Scanning thru my news feed on Facebook and I see all the great things that my friends are doing.  It makes me wonder if my life will ever be fabulous like theirs.



I can picture it now, I'm sitting on my couch in my t shirt and sweats, that I've worn all week when I get home.  I've got my hair in a ponytail with no make up on and I have a glass of wine in one hand and my iPhone in the other.  I'm sitting there scrolling down my news feed looking at the posts from my friends boasting about their fabulous lives.  They talk about the amazing feats their children have accomplished, how they have the best boyfriend/husband ever, they post about their weekend adventures, where they are at all the places to be seen.  Yet, you can see me laying on my couch in the fetal position.  Well, maybe not exactly the fetal position.

Have you found yourself looking at someone else's life and thought how great they had it and how your life was lame?  I find myself doing that more than I want to admit.  Even though I know my life isn't really lame, I just want more.  I think a lot of us are guilty for wanting what we don't/can't have.

I ALWAYS look at my friends with boyfriends or that are married and think how I wish I had someone who loved me.  Although, I'm sure they look at me wishing that they were single and free. I look at my friends that travel all the time and think how awesome that would be to see different parts of the country and the world on a whim.  Then again, they might see the pictures of the celebrities that I meet through my job and wish they could do that. Sometimes I look at my friends that are so pretty and have amazing bodies and wish I had that, but there's probably someone who looks at me and wishes they had something that I have.   

A couple of examples that popped up and made me think that my life is so "un-fabulous" was when a friend of mine posted a picture of her and her friends whooping it up in Austin. There she stood with her perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfectly pretty friends drinking at a bar with other perfect people having a perfect time. Then there's the guy that posts from every event he ever goes to that is where the cool kids are hanging out.  One picture is with a ton of girls running around in booty shorts.  The next picture is taken at some fancy sit down dinner that Andy Roddick is a part of.  Really? I'm sitting at home eating my turkey lasagna leftovers.

I think we all wish our lives were more.  Whether it's more exciting or it's more settled, we all want to know if the other side is really greener.   When I got a divorce I thought that it had to be better on the other side.  Living the single life seemed to be a walk in the park.  For a little while it was, but since then it's been a little bit of the Goldilocks game. And I'm still waiting to find what feels just right.  

We should all be happy with what we have, but I don't see anything wrong with wanting more.  I think it helps keep our inner drive going.  It keeps that fire within us to be more and do more.  Hopefully it won't depress us.  It's made me sad a time or two, but I'm trying to tell myself that all is not as it appears...especially on Facebook.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

MY NEVER ENDING WORRY: WILL I ALWAYS BE SINGLE?

The other night I was up in our suite at the rodeo. There was a guy I know in our suite with his new girlfriend.  I found myself doing what I always do when I see people that have someone and I don't...I started getting a little depressed. ( and no I don't want to date him)

I got sad because he made it look so easy. He's been divorced for a year or so and now has a serious girlfriend that he seemed pretty into. Some people just make it look like finding love is a piece of cake.

I went home that night and watched some TV. Something someone said about their spouse made me start crying.  I just sat there on the couch crying and talking out loud to God asking him if he was ever going to bring someone in my life that really loved me. "God will you ever bring me the love of my life? Or are you trying to tell that it's never going to happen?"

This is the thing I wonder about year in and year out. And the older I get the more I worry. 
 



 
I want to believe that God does have someone great for me, but with all the time that's passed and still not finding anyone that trips my trigger, it makes me have doubt. I want to believe that my great love is just taking a little longer to make his way towards me, but then I wonder if I'm missing the sign from God that it's not his plan for me.  

What makes me feel worse is just yesterday, while out at rodeo, I saw a guy I know that I had such a crush on. (I put him on such a pedestal in my mind.) Out of nowhere he walks by and all he did was wave from a distance. He barely acknowledged that he saw me. I couldn't have felt smaller. Imagine a scene from a cheesy high school movie where the nerdy girl see's the most popular guy in school waving, and really he was waving to the pretty cheerleader behind her.  That's kind of how I felt.


I'll be honest, I have felt myself getting into a funk for a few weeks now.  Seeing my friend that makes it look so easy and getting the "do I know you" wave only confirmed what I thought was starting to happen.  I don't want to be in the funk. However, there is some negative self talk plays a role. (We'll save that for a different blog)
 

I know God's plan for everyone is different. Just because everyone else seems to be finding love doesn't mean I won't. It also doesn't mean they're truly happy.  I just want to know that will happen for me someday.