Thursday, August 23, 2012

WHY DO I COMPARE MYSELF?



I wrote about comparing yourself to others several years ago.  I don't remember what I wrote, but I know that it's a bad habit of mine that I still have a hard time breaking.  I just did it again today in fact.  And when I did, it instantly made me sad.



You gotta love Facebook sometimes.  It's the perfect place for someone with any sort of insecurity about themselves to look around for 5 minutes and make themselves feel like poop.  What's even more pathetic, is that half the time you're looking around on people's FB pages not trying to feel worse. Then, it happens.  Someone pops in your head and you decide to go to their page.  Some might call it Facebook stalking. I call it scooping out the scenery or scoping out the competition.


Every girl does this. There's a guy that we're interested in....and....we ALWAYS look up THE ex.  We then sit there and compare ourselves to her.  (Are we prettier than her? Is she skinnier? What does she do for a living? How much money does she make? How big are her boobs? What color is her hair?) Most girls act like they are better than the ex, but I'm not like that unfortunately.

I may see something about myself that I think is better than her, but usually that doesn't work.  Because most times the ex still has the power over him.  I could be prettier, younger, funnier, with a cooler and better job, and not be a gold diggin' biatch, and yet I won't win.


I even compare myself to girls I don't know.  When I was in Milwaukee a couple of weeks ago for my birthday, my friend Melissa was telling me these stories about the girlfriends of her fiancés buddies.  They all sounded like bitches with the personality of a wet wash cloth and dead fishes in bed. Yet, these chicks had boyfriends hanging on their every word. Then there's me...who is funny, not a total bitch with the "skills"...aaaaannnnndddd NOTHING!

I compare all the time.  Sometimes I tell myself that I'm better, but a lot of times I tell myself that I'm not. Why do I do it?  How do I/you stop it? Can you ever stop it?  I know I shouldn't compare are myself, but it is something I've done since I was in elementary school.



Tuesday, August 21, 2012

BEING HUNG UP ON YOUR EX



I think everyone has someone that they are or were hung up on. Usually it's an ex. Sometimes it's someone that was a little more temporary, but for some reason you can't let them go. My theory is that we tend to be hung up on people that aren't good for us.



I've been guilty of being hung up on someone.  For the longest time I was hung up on Mr. Dallas.  Some may say I'm still hung up on him however, I disagree.  I think I was hung up on the feeling that the relationship gave me.  There were so many things that he did that made me feel special, appreciated, and loved.  I was just hoping that that wouldn't be the last time I felt it.


In the last several years I've met more and more guys that "seem" to be hung up on exes.  Since I can be a little cynical about "real" male feelings, I'm not totally sure how hung up they are, but whatever it is, they're too afraid to move forward with their lives.

I can understand that.  I was so hurt after my breakup with Mr. Dallas that I was paralyzed with fear.  Although, I felt as though I kept a pretty open mind that I may find someone again.  Then again, I'm still single and have my guard up a bit...or a lot depending on who you talk to.

OK...going back to the wounded boys. Who are these these women that hold their nuts hearts in their hands? Again, it's probably someone that isn't the right person for them, but for some reason these women have the power.  I don't get it.  I mean, I'd get it if these women had the cure to cancer, helped people, walked old ladies across the street...then I might understand.  However, all I hear is how they're money hungry, selfish, narcissistic,  bitchy, and sometimes lame in bed.  REALLY??? At least the guy I was hung up on sweet, affectionate, and liked to get it on!!!

Why do we let people hold onto our hearts when they don't want them? They aren't in our present for a reason.  Yet, we let them hold on to our future because we're scared, we're hurt, and we let them.

Monday, August 13, 2012

ARE YOU A NEXT STEPPER?



A friend of mine told me a story about this couple that has been talking about getting married. The couple has been though their ups and downs, but recently bought a house together despite not even being engaged.  The guy said that now that they have a house together that the "next step" is to get married.

That for some reason sat so wrong with me. I immediately chimed in with, "Wow so he's a next stepper!" My friend said, "I don't get it. What's that mean?"

I told her that basically it's not a matter if he really loves or thinks they're meant to be, but more of a matter that they've been together this long and are here at this point that they should just go with the next step and get married.

I just thought how I never wanted a man to think that way about me. I never want a man to marry me because he thinks that's the next step since we made it this far.

That might sound weird to some and some people might take offense or wonder what the big deal is, but I got married because I thought that was the next step and I was wrong.

I remember thinking that since we were dating for a few years and since he didn't beat me or anything that we should get married. Not realizing that we probably weren't really a match, but more of a couple that was together it wasn't bad enough.

As much as I'd love to find someone and make a life with them, I don't want to do it with someone that isn't a good match for me or I'm not a good match for him. I don't want the only reason we're together is because it's comfortable or convenient. And certainly not because it's the next step.

It has to be and feel right.