Thursday, May 31, 2012

DO PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU

I don't know what triggers these moments, but I sit and go down memory lane. I think of the people that I've met over my life.  I had one of those moments over the weekend.  Maybe subconsciously I was feeling lonely and thinking of the times when I felt wanted.  I sat there and thought of guys I dated to the guys that I wanted to date, but didn't. My memory took me back all the way back to high school.  A time that was a lot more innocent and I was a lot more naive.

One person popped into my head because I met someone that went to the same college as them.  It's someone that I hadn't thought of in years. Then other people started popping in my head. As I sat there and filed through my memories, I wondered how these people were.  What ever happened to them? What did they make of themselves? I even went as far to see if I could find anything thing out about them or if they were on Facebook.

I found one person and saw that they look pretty much the same and seem to be during pretty good.  I decided to I send them an email to say hello.  I kept it brief and just explained who I was in case they didn't remember me.  Much to my surprise they did remember me.  Although, not sure how well they remember me.

While reflecting on my past, both old and more recent,  I couldn't help but want to know if anyone ever thought me.  If they ever do, do they get a smile on their face? Do they ever wonder what happened to me and want to know what I made of myself? Do they ever wish things might've been different or are sorry for how things turned out? Are they sad or happy that I'm not around?

I think about people all the time.  Certain people I think about more than others.  There's even a few people that I think about almost everyday. There are times when I reach out to let them know, but most of the time I am too afraid of what will happen if I do. What if I call and they don't remember me?  Or what if they don't want to speak to me?


Although some my memories were foggy and some were more painful, all of them were filled with a curiosity.  A curiosity if I made an impact on anyone's life and their memory.



Wednesday, May 30, 2012

10 SIGNS YOU'RE WITH THE WRONG PERSON






I got an email from Eharmony the other day that had a bunch of articles abut dating in it.  The once that jumped at me right away was one that doesn't even relate to me. I mean, you and I both know that I'm not dating anyone. Yet, for some reason I thought I should read it; if nothing else I thought I could use it in the future possibly.

Here is the nuts and bolts of the article with added commentary from yours truly.


10. You Feel Like You Can't Be Yourself

This has been a big one for me in the past. It all started with Mr. Dallas critiquing what I would say around his friends and co-workers. Or how I would address his parents. That definitely made a mark on me.

Since then, there's only been a handful of guys that made me feel like I was able to be myself. The guys that have critiqued me have made me feel when I meet someone knew that I need to give a much more reserved  version of myself in hopes that they'll like me or I won't get rejected.

9. You're Not happy

Everyone knows that you need to find happiness within yourself. However, your partner should at least be able to make your day a little nicer. If you're finding yourself more unhappy with them than without, that's probably not a good sign.

8. They Exhaust You

You're not exhausted from having such a great time with them; you're exhausted from them personally.  Everytime you hang out with them they complain about something or everything.  They have a negative outlook and are being a complete "Debbie Downer."

7. The Friend Factor

You've been with this person for a decent amount of time and yet you've never introduced this person to your friends.  Or for that matter, he's never introduced you to his friends. Either way, it's not a good sign.

6. You Never Envision The Future Together

After you've been together awhile it's natural to make plans for the future.  Whether it's a trip together or a bigger step.  If you've been together for a considerable amount of time and can't see them as a part of your future, you may want to reexamine what you want out of this relationship.

5. You Are Like Yin And Yang

This has been a tough one for me.  I'm a person that like to go to bed early and get up early and start my day. I've met a lot of guys that like to stay up all night and do God know what. Or they like to start their evening late when they go out.

I like to get out of the house and do things. Whether it's going to lunch or taking a trip, I like to stay busy.  My ex-husband liked to stay home all weekend and swiffer the house. Sure, the house was clean, but I was getting cabin fever just sitting in the house never going anywhere.

When you have fundamental differences it will make things harder.

4.  You Are Not Excited To See Or Hear From Them

It seems pretty obvious, but you'd be surprised on how many of us have stayed in situations we're not fulfilled in because we're too scared to be alone.

Granted, every moment together isn't going to be puppies and flowers, but in general you should be happy to be with them.

3. You Don't Feel Good About Yourself


We all can have doubts and  insecurities from time to time.  When you're in a good relationship you should have a good self esteem.  When you are around the person you're dating it should make you feel good not worse. You shouldn't be second guessing yourself and your relationship when you're in a good relationship.

Also, if you're with someone that cuts you down or seems to make you feel worse in situations, then you need to stand up for yourself. To me it's a form of abuse.

2. The Cons Of Staying Together Outweighs The Pros


If you're feeling like you're on the fence whether to stay together or not, put together a list of all the positives to staying together.  Then come up with a list of all the negatives on staying together.  Go over the lists and try and determine if the reasons to stay are better than the reasons to go.


1. Your Instincts Are Telling You - Get OUT!!


We all have an inner voice in us.  I know I've heard that inner voice in the past.  It's the voice that told me that I wasn't being treated the way I should.  It's the voice that told me that I wasn't getting the love that I needed and there had to be something better out there for me.

We all deserve to be happy and loved. Go and find that someone that will appreciate, love and make you happy. Find someone that makes you feel good about yourself.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

ARE YOU ALWAYS SECOND BEST TO THE "BABY MAMA?"


The older we get, the more of us are having kids. And with the way things are going in our society, many of us become divorced with kids. Frankly, past the age of 30 there's more and more of that.

So how does it work when dating a person with kids? There's a few things that I wonder about.

Say I meet a guy that has a couple kids with another woman. We start dating and things become serious. In his heart and mind are you always second best when it comes to the baby mama?

For instance, a couple that was together for years and then gets a divorce or whatever, is the woman that he ends up with him next never as good as the woman that gave him children?  Does the mother of his kids always place number 1 in his heart?  What if the relationship ended horribly?



The reason I ask this is because I've never really known if I wanted kids. When I was married I didn't want them with him. Mr. Dallas on the other hand, I thought he would've made a great dad; but since him, I haven't really dated anyone long enough to even go and think of kids. So I haven't.


Nor have I really dated a guy with kids.  Typically, I've shied away from it because I've always felt there was going to be more drama then I wanted to deal with, or frankly, deserved to deal with. However, the years are ticking away, and it's becoming more and more apparent that I may meet a guy with kids one of these days. And then what?

(Side Note: Kids to me are a huge decision and if I ever had them I'd want a partner that would be a great parent and be there…period.  Kids are not something I take lightly.  They are for the rest of your life.  And I refuse to have kids with just anyone and do it part-time.  I want the father of my kids (if I ever were to have them) to be best man I've ever met.  Because I'll be connected to them forever.  I don't want to be connected to some douche just to get my 2.5 children. )

Back on topic here...





I know that for the most part you're always gonna hold a place in your heart for people that once meant a lot to you.  The mother of your children should.  However, I think most women want to be with a man and have them think of her as the "greatest love of his life."  No one wants to go into a relationship with anyone where their heart is with someone else. 

So when the man finds someone new, does the new woman have an uphill battle when it comes to his love? Is she ever going to mean much to him? Or does the mother of the kids always rank first?  


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

HOW LONG HAVE YOU GONE WITHOUT "IT?"

And what I mean by the word "IT" is sweet loving, the horizontal mambo, you know...bumpin' uglies.  Well, as much as I hate to admit this, it's been awhile for me.  Yeah! I'm starting to feel like I might be growing some cobwebs pretty soon.

We all have our dry spells, but what's the longest you've gone without it? Currently I'm at 5 months.  And prior to that it was a couple months at least.  This isn't my longest dry spell for sure. However, it's well on it's way to be that way.

After Mr. Dallas and I broke up it was at least 6 months before I think that men were even attractive.  I was so hurt from that break up that the last thing I wanted to do was to be with a guy.  After that break up I even got off birth control because I knew I wasn't going to get any action for awhile.



Now, I'm at a decent dry spell that has no end in sight.  I have no guys in rotation or even a possible date. Granted, I know it could be worse. I'm sure my dry spell of 5 months is nothing.  Even my longest dry spell is child's play compared to some people's.   I'm starting to wonder when will it end, When will the dry spell be over?  

I know some people will say, "Oh you're a girl. You can get laid anytime you want."  Sure that maybe true. However, I'm not interested in one night stands.  And I'll be perfectly honest, usually the sex in those situations is not beneficial for the woman anyway.  At one point, I hadn't had an orgasm from sex in over a year because what I had be getting wasn't good.  So if all I'm going to get is exercise out of it, I'd rather hit the gym.  At least I know I won't get pregnant or a disease from doing squats.

I'm not sure how long it will be before it the no lovin' fest will be, but it's not about quantity it's about quality. Maybe one these days I can sing this song.




Tuesday, May 1, 2012

MEN SHOULD CRY MORE



Some people have said that I'm a "manhater" or that I'm bitter about guys. That may or may not be true, but there is one thing that I think would help the male species a little more...and that is crying.

I was watching "Dancing With The Stars" the other night and they featured a man that was a pro dancer but had a brain hemorrhage and wasn't able to dance, or even walk anymore. After extensive therapy he was able to dance again. His first "in public" performance was on 'DWTS' and when he finished he cried as the audience cheered for him.

It was that very moment when I realized that men in this country should bare their souls more.

When I saw that man on 'DWTS' cry, I almost started crying myself. I immediately felt for him more and felt as though he was more human. That may not make any sense to some, but so many men don't act as if anything affects them. And to see this man be so touched that he started crying was almost kind of beautiful.

Too many times things in life happen when guys just shove it under a rug. They show no emotion what so ever. Like when I got divorced. He acted as though "Next please!"

It would've been nice to see him kind of act like he gave a shit. Granted, he didn't have to act like he wanted me back, but at least he could've acted like that being divorced was going to be a little tough. Does that make sense? I just wanted to see that he kind of cared a little.


On the funny side, imagine if men started crying more all the stuff they could get out of it! Think of all the stuff that chicks get out of with crying.

For instance, getting out of speeding tickets. Could you imagine a cop rolling up to a dudes window and the guy is balling his eyes out? If I were the cop I'd let him go. Or maybe when your boss yells at you. If I were the boss I'd probably go easier on the guy.

Lastly, if guys cried more think of what they could get from their ladies. Maybe a little more sweet love making. Maybe a couple wouldn't fight as much.

This may all be a little far fetched for some, but if men maybe started showing a softer side and became a little more emotional, maybe they would no longer be thought of as dicks all the time.