I MAY BE SINGLE BUT I'M NOT DESPERATE!

I know I talk a lot about being single and how it can lonely at times. How it would nice to have someone that's on the same page as me. Someone I can tell as to how my day went. Lately, I think my venting about being single is possibly giving the wrong impression to certain guys.


I've had several guys offer up themselves to take me to dinner or what have you. One guy wrote this as a part of a comment to one of my blog entries.


"I know on several occasions, reading your blog, that alot of men, including myself, have offered to meet with you, have lunch or dinner or attend a function with you, and have been ignored, declined, or just some lame excuse as to why you cant or wont. I believe that this occurs ALOT more than myself or any of your other readers will ever be aware of.


So, having this said, accept offers for lunches and/or dinners... you never know until you try... the worst that can happen is you will have to spend an hour with someone for a free meal! LOL


If you truly want a "roster" to pick from... add me to the list, but be forewarned... anyone on the list after me will probably not to get a chance to be called out of the bullpen!"



Here's my problem(s) with that comment. What person accepts every invitation from a man? Answer: A desperate person. If I were to accept these offers just for the "free meal" what kind of person would that make me? Also if I were to just take the "free meal" wouldn't that also make me look bad? As if I'm taking advantage of him?


Some women may have no problem spending an evening with a guy just get a free meal. However, I'm a pretty decent cook and I make enough money to feed myself so I'm not going on a date for a free meal?


Also, sometimes it's not worth the free meal if the company you're with isn't interesting or is making you feel uncomfortable. I'd rather not go on any dates for a year if I knew I'd avoid 1 date with a creeper.



Granted, sometimes you never know unless you take a chance. However, in the world where women are being assaulted or worse when they go off and meet guys they don't know, I'm not willing to go and take the chance.






Somebody might say, "Hey you went to Austin to go meet that guy!" Yes, I did. The difference is that I actually met that guy previously and spent a good deal of a day hanging out with him and talking to him. The guys that offered up dates or what not, I've never met in my life. Never seen them in person. Never had a conversation with. Never spent anytime with...NOTHING. They are just offers from men I know nothing about and have no idea what their intentions are.


If that makes me a bad person because I refuse to go on a date with a guy that is just a commenter on my blog or a Facebook friend (who I don't know)then so be it. It's just not something I'm comfortable with.


I don't know any woman that would accept an offer of a date from a guy that randomly sent her an email and she never met him before. Even on a blind date you have at least some sort of conversation or a little background on the person before you agree to meet.


And by me airing my frustration with dating or the lack there of is not intended to make guys feel sorry for me and ask me out. I'm not saying that I want "A" boyfriend. What I find interesting is that there are some guys that just because I talk about wanting a boyfriend or someone in my life they interrupt that as me willing to take whatever I can get.

I'm picky, maybe too picky. I'm also a handful. Two reasons I maybe single longer than I'd like. However, I'm not so hard up for a date that I'll take any offer on the table. Thanks, but I'm not wanting to waste your or my time.

It'll happen when it happens.

HALLOWEEN FOR COUPLES: CUTE OR OBNOXIOUS?

Halloween is this weekend. And a lot of my friends are dressing up and some are doing it as a couple. My question is do you think that couples dressing up together is it cute or does it make you want to barf in your mouth? And when a couple starts dating how soon is too soon to bring the "couples costume" into the mix?

This is a hard topic for me to talk about because well...I haven't been a "couple" for quite some time! So there's been no opportunity for someone to be the bacon to my eggs. I will say that theres a part of me that thinks it's silly. Then there's the other part that's probably just jealous.

What about when you start dating someone...how soon is too soon to bring up the couple costume? I watched the show "Happy Endings" and tonight's episode was all about couple costumes. One girl had a guy dump her because she brought it up too soon. I mean is the couple costume that big of a deal? Are couple costumes like a stage in the relationship?

Another thought I had, are couples costumes a way for girls to mark their territory on their man? Do you guys like dressing up like that? I have a friend and every single Halloween she abd her boyfriend where matching costumes. Typically it's her idea and he just gies along with it.

Granted this topic isn't as controversial as some of the blogs I've written but I thought I'd let you give your thoughts vs. me spouting off my opinion.

MEN THAT CAN'T BE ALONE

I think I've written on this topic before, but after this weekend I got thinking about the topic again and it made me think that a fresher is in order.

In the last couple of years I've noticed men's behavior when it comes after a break up, divorce, or just single on the prowl. My conclusion is that many men can't be alone. I would almost say that 85-90% of men cannot be without female attention for a considerable amount of time. (2 weeks doesn't count)

Over the weekend I ran into a guy that I went on a few dates with. I've seen him a few times at various events and every time he's there with a different girl. Not sure if he's going through these ladies like I go through underwear, or if he has a roster on a rotation. Point is he's never once been seen without a girl with him. Almost like he needs to prove to people or himself that he's an awesome catch.

A lot of the guys I've dated are like that. They go from one girl to the next without much downtime in between time, if any. Mr. Dallas is a good example. Granted, I haven't spoke to him a year or so, but when we were speaking I know that the longest he went without dating some girl was maybe 2 months. The ex-husband was the same way. Well to be honest, most of the guys I've dated are like that. I can only think of maybe 1 or 2 that weren't like that.

Look at George Clooney!!! There's a guy that has this written all over him! He barely had ditched the Italian girl and the next thing you see is the next girl, Stacy Keibler over at his house. I mean that guy barely waited until the body was cold before he was on to the next one.

I have a few guy friends that are also big examples of this. The guy moved to a new city and hadn't even been there 2 months before he had chicks he was hooking up with. I said chicks...because there was more than one.

By the way, I'm not just saying that men are the first to get a girlfriend or get remarried, but they're also, in my opinion, the first to get laid. Even if you just hook up with the guy and you're not dating. Guaranteed he'll sleep with another girl before you sleep with someone again...even if the next time you sleep with someone is him!!! (Trust me this has happened to me)

Think about when a guy and girl break up. How many times have you seen the guy on the prowl to get laid after the break up? I think of a few guys that I'm either friends with, dated, or whatever and before the body is even cold they're seen trying to hook up. Sometimes she's not even out of the picture yet.

Why is this? Do guys just need constant attention and validation? Is it that they know they don't have to be alone so they will take the company of ANY woman just so they have something around? Do they need the ego boost? Is it just for the sex? Are they guys settling with anything because they're lonely? (You know what they say...a hole's a hole!) Is it because they're narcissistic?

Don't get me wrong, I know women do this too. However, with the most of the girls I know, including myself, we needed time to be sad. Some are better than others at moving on, but some of us were sad for months before we even considered a date or sleeping with anyone.

J-Lo is a prime example of a female that moves on quickly and that drives me bonkers too. Maybe because I'm slightly jealous that I can't pull that. I mean, she goes from Marc Anthony to Bradley Cooper!!! Sheesh!! I haven't had a real boyfriend in 4+ years but my rebound was never a Bradley Cooper. Although, I have scored some hot guys...just never dated them! Ugh.

I'll admit part of the reason this bothers me is probably because I'm a bit jealous. I mean, I haven't had a date to an event in quite some time and yet I see guys with a different chick every time they're out. Yet, every time I go to an event, my date is my girlfriends. Then again, it's about the quality for me and not the quantity. Wouldn't it be nice to have a roster to pick from once in awhile? Or just be able to move on and find some hottie to have at the snap of my fingers??

YOU DESERVE BETTER!

How many times have you heard that phrase uttered from the mouths of your friends? A few times I'm sure. Usually it's your friends telling you that someone you're interested in romantically isn't good enough for you or isn't treating you the way you should be treated. They mean well, but here's what bothers me about that phrase.

Your friends, if they're true friends only want what's best for you. And as we all know, sometimes the truth can be a little hard to hear. So, when a friend gives their 2 cents, instead of making you feel better or empowered, it actually can have the opposite effect.

For example, when I made my road trip to Austin and was wondering if I should go or not, everyone was throwing their opinion my way. Telling me that instead of ME driving to Austin that I needed to make the guy come to Houston. Another nugget of wisdom was, if he really wanted to he'd come here to see me and that I deserve to have to someone wanting to come visit and making the effort to come see me.

OK...all of this may be true however, what if that never happens?

First of all, the guy in Austin situation is unique because I'm not looking to pursue a relationship. It's not that I wouldn't but, let's be honest I just don't think it would happen. First of all, he just moved to Austin. He's also making a career change, so he's looking for a new job. He's only 27, and to be perfectly honest I doubt a guy is going want to start anything with a girl that lives in another city when there are plenty of young honeys that he could set his sights on in Austin. I mean, let's be real here...He's not gonna want to date some DJ girl 2 hours away. L.B.S (Let's Be Serious)

So back to my point...WHAT IF IT NEVER HAPPENS?I know that when I got divorced I deserved to be treated better than how I was being treated. Then I found it...for awhile but, now I'm starting to doubt that it'll happen ever again.

I think a lot of us know that we deserve better in our life and our relationships but, we choose to stay because we're afraid that we may never find what's better. So, we end up settling or staying in a relationship or situation less than ideal out of fear that we end up alone.

When my friends and co-workers were giving me the "you deserve better speech," I got really sad because I knew deep down that they were ultimately right. (In the long run) However, I also got sad because I wondered if I may end up alone for the rest of my life because no one will ever treat me better.

What if I never find love again because the person that was "so much better" never came along? Then I'll ask myself if I should've settled with someone that was OK.

We all want to be wanted and treated like we mean the world to someone, but what if you never find someone that will treat you that way? Sure, there are things that I/you could change about how you present yourself to people. But at the end of the day, you can only control so much.

So what do you do? Be strong, pray, and believe that there is better for you and that it will eventually happen? Or do you hope for it but end up taking what you can find that's not so bad?

IF HE'S NOT SINGLE...HE'S OFF LIMITS

I am SOOO tired of hearing about these celebrities that get caught cheating with stupid women. The latest is Ashton cheating on Demi with some 22 yr old "twink" from San Diego via Texas. She sells her story to Us magazine and claims that Ashton told her he and Demi were separated. Is this girl stupid? Does she not ever pick up a magazine or watch TV? Secondly, So what if he's separated? Technically he's still married!

There are so many things that bug me about this story. The cheating is first, using the excuse of separation, the girl that's clueless, and the endless excuses.




Let's go over the situation. So you have Ashton in a club in San Diego. It's time to go back to his room and he looks around and spots this girl who quote is "good enough for the hot tub." Then she goes back to his room with a few of her friends and she ends up sleeping with Ashton. He apparently tells her that he's separated. She believes it and thinks that Ashton is unhappy in his marriage. My favourite part is when they wake up in the morning he looks under the covers and says "I just wanted to make sure I did OK." (Like he couldn't remember what he took home)

My problem with this girl is, how stupid can you be? Have you not picked up a magazine lately or watched Access Hollywood to know that the couple is still together?

The other thing is, she claims that if she knew he was happily married that she never would've done it. Really??? Give me a break! The point is he's married even if he says he's miserable that shouldn't matter.

I met a guy a few years ago through my gym. After my friend looked up his tax records we found out he was married. Do you know that he told me that they were going to get a divorce and how miserable of a person she was to be around? Needless to say, nothing ever happened between us. (thank God) What's funny is, that couple that was supposedly so miserable, is still married and they moved to NYC for his new job.

The point I'm trying to make is, LADIES BE SMARTER!!! Why is it that when a man is married or taken, women seem to find that guy more attractive? I don't! Personally if a guy even is "kind of" seeing a girl, he's done! I won't look at him twice. Yet, so many women don't care. Look at all the women that slept with Tiger Woods!! More than half knew he was married and didn't care. In fact, some thought he'd be with them! (SUCKERS)




I'm not sure if the women want to feel like they're helping the guy from a dark spot or if they want to see if they can steal him away and feel like they won. What is it?? Why are we so dumb?

So here are a few rules that I think every woman should know and live by.

1. If a guy says he's separated...don't believe it! Also, don't start anything with him till he's moved out and the divorce is final.

2. If a guy has a girlfriend...same rules apply. HANDS OFF!

3. If you wouldn't want what you're doing to happen in return to you...then it's probably not OK to do it.

4. If he says that his wife doesn't understand him, or she's crazy, or she won't have sex with him, or she nags him, or they've been unhappy for awhile...HANDS OFF!!! --All if it may be true but you don't need to be a catalyst for a divorce. If they get divorced it'll happen soon enough and you need not get involved.




I found this quote on another blog and it says a lot. "You want a guy who is smart enough to know that his marriage is over and strong enough to end it without any outside assistance. A guy that needs or wants to be wrenched out of his marriage is not strong or smart." READ THE BLOG HERE

I think if more women respected themselves more and respected other people's relationships (good or bad), the world might be a better place. I'd like to think that there'd be less cheating because more women would decide that they aren't going to be a part of it. Remember Karma is a bitch!!

I hope that Sara Leal learned a lesson from her lack of morals. Hopefully she learned that no matter if someone says they're unhappy there's always another person in the relationship that can be hurt by what you've decided to be a part of. Then again, she probably just learned that she can sleep with a celebrity that doesn't really care about her and then she can make money off it.

I guess the old bible saying can apply here, "Do unto others as you'd have done unto you." Also, remember ladies, if he'll do it with you he'll do it to you.

TAKING A LEAP

You've heard the term "Taking a Leap of Faith" and how people use it and apply it to their life. Well this weekend I took one myself. Maybe the faith part is a bit much, but I did take a leap. A leap outside my comfort zone. I was a little nervous at first but in the end I had a great time and even learned a few things.


Over the weekend I took a road trip to visit a guy that I meet a few weeks back in New Orleans. I didn't really know him that well, but I decided to visit him in Austin over the weekend.

Now women in general tend to be a little skeptical these days. We worry if we meet a guy on his turf, will he chop us up into little bits. Which in a way, I suppose it's a good thing to be a little cautious. However, sometimes that fear also makes someone rather unadventurous and boring.

Granted, was I a little worried? Sure, it's not like I google stalked this guy and knew everything about him prior to meeting up with him. I only knew what he had told me about himself from when we meet.

So I head to Austin with my bag backed and butterflies in my tummy. I get there and we head to dinner at a popular sushi spot. As we waited the hour to be seated for dinner, we sat had a few drinks and refreshed each others memory and learned a few new things about each other. Later, we met up with a few of his friends and had fun night out.

The next day we grabbed some lunch at this great burger place he suggested and then walked around South Congress looking at random shops. It was just a cool, random, hanging out kind of afternoon.

Later we grabbed some food at Trudy's and headed to a bar to watch a rugby match he was wanting to see. Now, I don't know the first thing about rugby, but he told me the basic rundown of the sport and I followed along as his team pulverized themselves to try and win. They didn't, but taking the shots in honour of his team were pretty tasty!

All in all it was a great weekend and I'm glad I decided to put on my big girl panties. I'm glad I took the leap and go outside my comfort bubble to have a good time. I mean, there wasn't one time where I didn't enjoy myself. Now will will catch me doing this all the time? No, I won't get that crazy.

A question was asked of me several times and that was, "Do you guys plan on seeing each other again?" The answer is there's no plans to at the moment. He said we'd have to do it again, but there's nothing set. And you know, I'm not going to force it. If it happens, it happens.



If nothing else I realized something. I realized that I can have fun with someone, be completely comfortable around them and be myself. I also realized that there still are some guys out there that can be gentlemanly and be nice to me. It was nice having someone think that you're pretty enough and cool enough to have you meet his friends and hold your hand in public. It was nice to feel like he really enjoyed my company and that I wasn't just a piece of meat to him.

The leap was a good one and I'm glad that I took a chance. Where will it go and what will happen now? I have no idea...and maybe nothing will happen, but sometimes you just need to enjoy the moment.


(sorry if you're not a Celine Dion fan)

COULD YOU LOOK PAST A CRIMINAL PAST?

There have been a lot of high profile cases in the headlines lately. The most notable is the Amanda Knox case. Convicted of the murder of her roommate in Italy, Amanda spent 4 years in prison and was just released with the overturn of her conviction. Now she's back in Seattle with her family trying to gain a normal life. However, will it ever be normal? Will she be able to get over her past? Will others to be able to get past it?

With that last question I wondered if I could look past someone's criminal past? For me, the answer is maybe.

It really depends on what the crime is. Are we talking DUI? Granted, that isn't great but I see how that might happen to anyone. That to me is one to look past.

Petty crimes: such as theft, forgery, assault to name a few. These would all depend on where that person is in their life now. Were these recent crimes? Did they do something bad back in college? If the person that is in question isn't or hasn't changed then no matter how small the crime may seem to be, that person is not a person for me.

Now let's hit up the major crimes list. Murder, rape, you know...the big felonies. Now granted Amanda was originally convicted for murder but then won her appeal. I think if I ever met someone that was accused of that kind of crime, I think I would have to research every detail of that case. Now, when it comes to a rape case. I'm not sure how any woman could date/marry a guy that was ever convicted of that crime.

I think in the end it really depends on what was the outcome of the case. As general rule though I think I would steer clear of the convicted felons. I mentioned above that I would look past a DUI or DWI. Here's the thing, I could look past one. However, if you've been convicted of 2, 3, 4, yada yada yada...Then this to me makes me think there is another problem that needs to be addressed.

Would you be able to look beyond someone's criminal past when it comes to love, dating, and marriage?