CUT IT OFF BEFORE YOU MOVE ON

People do this all the time. They start a relationship with someone else before they end the current relationship they're in. There's overlapping and in my mind it's lame. Men and women alike do this and cause heartache. So why do they do it? Is it because the person can't be alone? Are they too insecure in their own skin to be by themselves?

I personally have never done this. One reason maybe because I never had multiple quality guys after me at the same time. Now even if I did have a plethora of men on my tail I still probably couldn't do it. I think i would feel a little dirty about the whole thing and that I was being dishonest.

Now, I'll admit one thing. I remember when I was happily married I never looked at other guys. Then when the marriage started to go down the toilet and I was falling out of love with my husband, I can remember my radar turning back on in my head and thinking that other men were attractive again. At first, I was confused and not sure what was going on in my head, but then I realized that I was not in love with him anymore and needed to take the next step which was to tell him that I wanted to get separated and then eventually divorced.

You see, that was my sign that I needed to move on, but it was not my sign to cheat. I'll admit that after I moved into my own apartment and stated to hang out with my girlfriends it wasn't long before I started dating someone. It was rather soon looking back now. However, my feelings of being trapped and being unhappy were manifesting well before the day I moved out. So when I lived on my own again I was ready to see what else was out there.

Now the person I ended up dating was a person that was moved on in his mind with his girlfriend and yet dating other girls before eventually cutting it off with her. When I asked him why he didn't cut it off with her at the same time he was done with her in his mind, he said that there was always something that came up and he felt bad.

For instance, her mom got sick, or something happened and he felt he needed to be there. As nice as it seems to be that he was wanting to look out for her and spare a ton of grief at once, I think I'd rather have someone break up with me right away then drag it out, lead me on, and let me continue to develop feelings for them. Who wants to look back and feel a fool because the person didn't really care about you. (It was a cowardly thing to do and to this day I feel bad for her.)

Now like I said, people do this all the time and I just don't understand how they can pull it off. Morals aside, I'm talking about how does a person find somebody to move on with so quickly? I never seem to meet anyone that I remotely find interesting let alone someone that I leave a relationship for. Am I missing something here?

Are the people that move one from relationship to another without any alone time just needy people? Are those people settling because they can't be alone? Is it because they are selfish?

ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER???

You've heard the saying many times, but is it really true? Can people change? Or is it in their blood to cheat and once they've done it they can't stop?

I've never been cheated on that I know of, but I know so many girls that have. I've known of a few guys as well but that number is a bit smaller. I can also say I've never cheated on anyone.

Now, I was the girl that a guy cheated on his girlfriend with with out my knowledge. You see when we met he told that he broke up with his girlfriend 5 months prior to us meeting, when in actuality he broke up with her 3 months after we started dating.



When he finally confessed to the "real" date that he broke up with her I was kind of stunned and didn't know what to think. I guess I went along with it at the time because I thought he was be honest. After that, when we started to drift apart s a couple and I could tell that his interest in me was changing, I remembered back to when he told me about his ex and how he acted towards her and it made me wonder if he was finding my replacement. Cuz, I always believed the saying, "Once a cheater always a cheater."

I have a friend that dated a married man. He gave her the line that his wife and he were getting a divorce. After she was hooked and they were dating, he confessed to her that while he was married he cheated on his wife in every town the they ever lived in. Needless to say, after dating for a year he dumped her for another girl. And you know what's funny? While dating the new chick he's still call and try to hook up with my friend. In his case, he never changed and probably never will.



Here's the thing. I have 2 stories of cheaters continuing to cheat, but I don't have any examples of people cheating once and that was it. Most of the time, the cheater is a habitual cheater. Almost to the point where it's an open relationship. Except there's only one partner that thinks it's open.

So can a person only cheat once? Or will they always be looking for the next best thing? If you found out that someone once cheated on a former mate, would you date them knowing those facts?

THE FISHING EXPEDITION MEN GO ON

This kind of ties into a blog I wrote back in January called "Boys Barking Up Trees." The reason this subject is coming up again is because, just this week I had an interesting scenario come into play.

Let me break down the characters.

So we have my friend Kelly Kelly, my friend "Jamie," my friend "Leslie,"and then the guy, "Gorton." I call him "Gorton" because he's the one that's doing some fishing.

Last week I got a bunch of people together for happy hour on my birthday. I invited "Gorton" and the girls, along with a ton of other people, and everybody mixed and mingled. I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. It didn't appear that anyone was making a "special connection" so to speak. It just was a good group of people having a good time.

So the next day, Kelly Kelly, "Jamie," and I all went and hung out at the pool. After we're done , we head back up to Kelly Kelly's place and figure out our plan for the night. Kelly Kelly hops on Facebook and says, "Oh I have a message from "Gorton." It says 'It was good to meet you, some of us are headed to a movie tonight if you wanna come. My number is ...-----.'"

Then "Jamie" says, "Wait I just got a message from him on Facebook too. It says, 'Good to meet you last night. Let's hang out soon. my number is ...-----.'"

WHAT THE FRICK??? He sends all these girls messages asking to hang out and we're all in the same room together. Do these guys think girls don't talk?

Now just for the record, for a second I thought he maybe was interested in me, but I wasn't quite sure. He'd invite me out, whether it was to dinner or drinks, or just out with a group of people. However, nothing was ever super obvious. So I didn't think too much about it.

So when he cast out his fishing net to my friends, I pretty much figured that he was on a expedition to see what girl would take a bite. Is that how guys work all the time?

"Gorton's" good friend kind of pulled the same with me. We'll call this guy "Calvin."

You might remember this story. "Calvin" sent me a text message that asked when we were going to hang out. Only to have him ditch me. Then come to find out he friends Kelly Kelly's sister on Facebook and sends a message saying that he thinks she's super cute and asks when they can hang out. Oh and "don't tell Erin cuz she'll hate on me."

Again...WHAT THE FRICK? Does he honestly think she's not going to tell me?

My friend "Jamie had this happen with another guy we know. Again, it was a matter of him sending a text to her followed by the other girls she was with getting a text from the that very same guy...and they were all in the same room.

Do all guys cast out a net to see how many chicks they can get? Then once they have the net full they start going through their catch and start tossing the "bad catch" back and then hang on to the "good catch for awhile?

How are you supposed to take guys seriously? Even when it seems like they're interested they seem to still be fishing for a better catch.

ARE WOMEN MORE WILLING TO DATE/MARRY "IMPERFECT?"

We are all imperfect beings. Whether you're born with something than makes you imperfect or if over the years time makes you imperfect, we all have something. God knows I pick out my own imperfections on a regular basis.

I was telling a group of friends about a guy I dated who had an interesting "imperfection," and it got me thinking that I think women are more excepting of men and their "imperfections" than men are of our imperfections. Not saying that all are men are superficial and shallow, but just less likely to accept.


People have called me shallow and other things via this blog. Some have called me superficial, insinuating that I only want to date guys that look like Calvin Klein underwear models. To prove them wrong, let me give some examples of guys that I dated or married and their "imperfections."


1. Follically Challenged


Let's go back to when I was about 20 years old. I met this guy through a girlfriend of mine. We hung out a few times and upon our first make out session I made an interesting discovery. There we are doing the kissy kissy thing and I started to put my hand in his hair. He quickly grabbed my hand and took it away. I thought it was weird but decided to try again. Yet again, he grabs my hand and drags it away.

This is where I stopped and asked him point blank, "Is there something you want to tell me? I keep trying to put my hand in your hair and you're not letting me." He got all nervous and proceeded to mumble a bit before finally spitting out that he wore a toupee. Yep a toupee!!




You know what's funny I married that guy!! (Wonder if the new wife knows he had a toupee...would she have dated him back then? Probably not...he had no money back then.) In fact, after dating awhile I started to style his piece for him. So on Monday morning I would help him style it and he would keep that style till I came back into town the next weekend. Now that's what I call love!


2. It plumps when you cook it

I'm not sure how to really talk about this one considering the way I found out but let's try. Several years ago there was an older guy I had been seeing. He was a good looking guy in great shape. In fact, he was incredibly active. Riding his bike for miles even in the cold weather. Running 10 miles a day. This guy took care of himself.

So one night we're getting a little frisky and I notice something that was a bit out of the ordinary. At first I asked if he had "3" of something. When he told me it was "whatever he called it" I shrugged it off and moved on.

The next day he confesses that what I discovered was something to help him get bigger. Imagine a Reebok pump shoe if you will. Even though I was a little shocked at first and it's certainly is unusual to know someone with that, I was OK with it and didn't care one way or the other. Yet, I know that some people once they found out about that probably wouldn't or couldn't get past it.


3. Hippity Hop


Now this is not a I guy I dated, but he is a guy I worked with who's engaged. When my friend was a little kid he had a terrible thing happen to him. He was playing outside when he was...say 3 yrs old. His leg slid under the fence at the exact same time that his neighbor was mowing his yard. Needless to say, the lawnmower won and now my friend wears a prosthetic leg.





You would never know by just looking at him. He walks perfectly fine. Yet, he has a fake leg and has some issue with his other foot. Here's the thing, he's a good looking, funny, and successful guy. He even is a father of a little boy and is getting ready to get married to his longtime girlfriend. (God Bless Her...She waited forever) Point is, his girlfriend was able to look past his "imperfection" when a lot of people may not of.

Like I said earlier that everyone has their imperfections so those 2 examples aren't the only guys I've dated that had something "wrong" with them. The rest probably just have something mental going on.

I believe that most men if they met a woman that wore a wig or had a fake leg probably wouldn't date that chick unless he dated he prior to the wig or leg. I believe that women are more willing to accept these flaws and imperfections more so than a man would. I think there are a lot of people that would judge any of these things and not be able to get past it.

What are some "imperfections" that you looked past?