THROWING UP MY WHITE FLAG

If you read my blog on a regular basis, you know that I usually write about love, relationships, and the interaction between the sexes. My last couple of blogs has talked about what I'd like to find in a guy and chemistry. Nothing has changed there. I still want those things. However, I think I'm throwing in the towel for a bit.

You see, I've been putting my best dating foot forward for about 5 years now, and I'll be honest, I haven't had a lot of luck and I'm just a little burnt out. I'm to the point where, like I stated in my last blog, if you don't knock my socks off, I don't want to really put forth the effort.

I've even decided to take myself off every dating website that I've joined. And trust me...I have tried them all! I even joined J-Date.com and I'm not even Jewish! Although, I would convert to become a Jew! I'm not opposed to that. Shalom!

The dating websites proved to be good entertainment at times, but after awhile it was just fatiguing. I've been on match.com on and off for several years. I have not gone on a date from Match.com in about 6 months. I joined e-harmony about 5 months ago, and have yet to go on a date from that. I just don't find anyone that interesting and I really don't care at the moment.

As I've stated before, I haven't gone on a date that went past number 2 for some time now. And I'm not great at serial dating. There's really only so many times I feel like telling you how many brothers I have and where my family lives. After awhile I am OVER IT!

I will say that I have met some great friends from match.com. My best guy friend who lives in Chicago, I met off match. We went on several dates before I realized I wasn't quite ready to date after my last breakup. Love ya Lake Drive guy!

I don't want you to think I'm being negative about throwing up my white flag, because it's not to be negative. It’s just a matter of me realizing that I'm giving things a rest and going to focus on me for a while vs. focusing on me being with someone.

This will be difficult no doubt. I know I will be really lonely at times. I know that may mean that I'm not kissing anyone for a while. There will be no spooning, no evenings out for dinner and drinks. That also means that I'm not getting laid for about 6 months or longer. That kind of sucks!! BUT... whatever. Most of the time guys are pretty selfish anyway.

I guess we'll just wait and see what happens! Hopefully, I don't start growing cobwebs! Sheesh!

WAITING TO BE WOWED!

I was talking with a friend of mine that's in the single boat as well, and we talked about how we're just not meeting anyone that we find interesting. There's just not a lot out there that trips our trigger at the moment. We both meet people all the time, but most of the time the guys that are asking us out are not the guys we need to be talking to. DOUCHE BAG CITY!!!!

There was a guy that I went on a couple dates with when I lived in Milwaukee. We went to a sushi restaurant and the people there made balloon hats for the kids. I thought it would be fun to have them make one and make him wear it. I thought the date was actually fun. At the end of the night he comes to my place and stands in my living room and proceeds to tell me that he didn't think I was "the one."

Fricking really??? ON DATE 2!!!

Was it something I said or did? Was it the ballon animal hat? Actually no...He said it wasn't. He then told me what I think is the lamest thing I've ever heard. He said, that he thinks when he meets the girl he supposed to be with that he'll just know right when he sees her. Like, he really thinks that when he meets "the one" she'll have angels singing around her and stars over her head or something!!! I'M NOT KIDDING!!!

Again Fricking really??

I told him that was ridiculous. He told me not to ruin his thought of what love was supposed to be. Alrighty then.

Now as ridiculous as I think he/that is...I do have to say that I agree that there needs to be a certain amount of chemistry. For instance, when I meet someone I want to date, I want to find them attractive!! IS THAT SO WRONG??? And no...they don't need to look like an underwear model. They just need to be attractive to me.

I can't tell you how many times I sat across from a guy on match.com date half listening to what he's saying because I'm too busy staring at him wondering if I could even see myself making out with him. If I need to stare at you that long...the answer is "this probably will be the last date."

I can think of someone I've met in the last year where I thought, "Who is this guy?" I met him at a work function and he walked up and started talking to me. He sat down and asked me, "So what's your deal?" I remember looking at him getting slightly flustered because he was so adorable. Yet, I replied in typical sassy Erin fashion, "Um...I'm not sure what you mean, but I'm single, I like long walks on the beach and I have a dog." We talked a little bit more before he had to go to another function. But I kinda felt a spark...

You see, he's a person that I met and I thought "WOW! What's his story? Where did he come from?" I'd like to meet someone where I look at them and think that. I'd like there to be an instant attraction.

Some people may think it's shallow but I don't care. Just as much as I'd like to meet someone that I get an instant spark from I don't want to be with a guy that when he sits across from me he needs to think about it. Like, Can I see myself kissing this chick? I want to be an instant for him too. I don't want to be with someone where I'm thinking..."Ahhh he's ok." AND...I'd hate for any guy to think I'm just o.k.

Now if someone tells me, "Erin there's more than just physical attraction." True. However, you do need to be attracted to your mate. Hey, I was with someone once and I'm not saying who, but I never really found them attractive and I was with that person a long time. Of course, I loved them, but never did I think, "Oh I wanna see them naked."

I WANNA SEE MY MAN NAKED AND LIKE IT!!! I wanna look at them and think I can't wait to get frisky. Again, IS THAT SO WRONG??? What? TMI?

ARE MEN LIKE LIONS IN THE WILD?

If you know me, I like to come up with weird analogies for things. Kind of like Dr. Phil does. Over the years I've noticed somethings in guys that are my friends, guys I've dated, or ones that I just observe. They like it when it comes easy.

Compare a guy that say you meet at a bar to a lion or cat in the wild. Now before you start getting all annoyed and tell me I need to meet guys other places just appreciate the analogy!!!

A cat in the wild sees a herd of antelope. It's next meal! *wink wink* The antelope in this story are ladies at a bar. The cat searches the herd for his prey. Which antelope will be an easy kill and put up the least amount of trouble? The cat keeps a low profile until the perfect moment to go in. Waiting to strike and make the kill.




Now, think of how that relates to a guy at say a bar. A guy scopes the crowd for some chicks. Finds one he thinks maybe DTF. He starts a conversation with her or better yet just starts grinding on her. Who knows they could be dancing! Next thing you know, he's telling her how hot she is and she has beautiful eyes or something like that and then BAM! He's making the kill! He's in!!!

Can guys smell the weak prey? Do us ladies have it written on our forehead that we're in a weak state and it won't take much to convince us to go against how we were raised? Is there a certain look or body language that makes us pretty transparent? Do guys know when it's going to be easy to convince?

How many times was I seen as that prey? Maybe I don't want the answer to that... :(

Now I gave the scenario of a bar but it relates to men and women dating. Do guys seek out the girl that will make it easy for them? No muss no fuss. He can do as he pleases. She won't ask a lot of questions. The path of least resistance.

I know some may think this analogy is silly and ridiculous but whatever. It makes sense to me!

BOYS BARKING UP TREES

I'm going through a drought at the moment. At the moment? Who am I kidding? I've been in drought for years now. I'm NOT going to to tell you the number of years because at this point, I'm actually trying to forget.

You see, it's been years since I had a serious boyfriend. A good year since I dated anyone more than a month, and at least 6 months since I went on more than one date with a guy. Needless to say, I don't have guys lined up asking me out either. I think most nights I have my phone sit there in silence because NOBODY is calling. Like I said, it's a drought.

So how does this relate to guys barking up trees? "Trees" is my metaphor for girls, and the "barking" is the boy calling, texting, going after her. Most of the time, I don't have anyone "barking" up my tree. If guys are "barking", I'm usually not interested, or the guy doesn't "bark" that loud and they fade off.

One thing I've noticed(in my experience)is that guys are "barking" up more than one girls tree at a time. Even if that guy seems semi-interested in you, he's probably working 4 or 5 girls at the same time. It's a numbers game.

For instance, I had a guy texting me, "When are we getting together?" What are your plans for the weekend?" When I respond with my plans or lack thereof, I wouldn't hear anything back. CRICKETS!

Come to find out, this guy that wants to know when we're going to hang out invited some HOOTERS girl to a party as his date. And according to his buddy he had one chick at his place for the night, while another was knocking on his door! Fricking Really?

Or how about when I met Mr. Dallas. I remember when we met at the end of January 2006, he told me that he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years that past August. So, we start hanging out, dating, you know? All the while his "ex" keeps calling him.

Now these two dated long distance. She lived in Dallas, while he lived in St. Louis where we met. When I met him he told me about girls he'd date in St. Louis and how lame they were. Well...here's where it gets good.

So he takes a business trip to Dallas and by this time we're dating a month or so. Anyway, he calls me one night to tell me "something." He said, "Remember when I went to Dallas for work awhile ago?" I said, "Yeah." Mr. Dallas: "Remember when I told you that I broke up with my ex back in August?" Me: "Yeah." Mr. Dallas: "Well I didn't break up with her until that weekend when I went down to Dallas."

HOLY CRAP!!! It's now MARCH!!

So, to give to you the recap in case you couldn't follow:

Mr. Dallas meets me in January, said he broke up with the ex in August.
Dates other girls in St. Louis while "broken up" with his ex from Dallas.
Breaks up with ex in March and has been dating me for at least 2 months at that point.

So not only did Mr. Dallas cheat on his girlfriend of 3 years with multiple girls in St. Louis, but then starts dating me all the while this poor girl is somewhat clueless back in Dallas.

You know what's really funny about it all? I remember going on a few dates with Mr. Dallas while there was another guy I was interested in(which was going nowhere)still kind of in the picture. Mr. Dallas asked me if I was still talking to other guys and I said there was one guy. He got all huffy and told me that he stopped talking to ALL other girls when he met me! Really??? Mr."I'm cheating on my girlfriend with multiple chicks" has the audacity to get on me about if I'm still talking to other guys??

I think of that story every once in awhile I get bothered. Wondering if he pulled that on me after he moved to Austin and would turn his phone off at night because "he didn't want to be bothered." Hmmm

Here's another story. I have a good friend that met a great guy. He has a great job, makes great money, is funny, fun, and seemed really into her. Called, texted, or emailed her everyday. Told her that he broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years when he started pursuing her. And may I add this guy pulled out all the stops. Even the cute little stuff like making her dinner. Well, guess what? The ex girlfriend wasn't such an ex after all. Nope, she was in the picture the entire time. And they're still together!

The reason I bring this up is because I think most girls (well at least this girl) can only focus on one guy at a time. There's no guys on a rotation. I don't have Mr. "Good For Now" lined up. While most guys probably are texting, dating, hooking up with a roster of chicks. Better yet, they're probably working on getting her lined up before they even break up with you.

If that doesn't make ya want to get out there and date I don't know what does! So just when you think there might be a guy that seems soooo into you, just remember there's probably a girl in front of you and one behind you to take your place. There's always another girl in the hopper.

SWF SEEKING SM WITH A HEART....

AND A SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!

Since moving to here to Houston a little over a year ago, I've had my share of 1st and 2nd dates. I've had my share of being hooked up by someone, stealing kisses, you name it. All of this without meeting someone that I really connect with.

What I've noticed is that I may meet guys that are attractive to me, but either they don't get me or there's just not much there. And when I say these guys don't "get me," I mean that they don't understand me or what I'm about. I seem to meet a lot of guys that have NO sense of humour. I hate being being so blunt here, but most of the guys have a personality of a wet washcloth!

I'm a pretty sassy person. I like to crack dirty jokes and I sometimes have a potty mouth. My friends say that I'm one of the funniest people they know and one even said I should have my own reality show. Point is, I never meet guys that can handle ME. Not sure if I scare them off or what the deal is.

I've dated guys that try to change me. For instance, when I dated Mr. Dallas I felt like he had me under a microscope. "Why did you say that?" "What did you ask them?" "How are you going to address these people when you meet them?"



So, in 2011 I hope to meet a nice single guy, that I find attractive, he's a genuinely good person, and is FUNNY!! He needs to find me funny too! Some other things it would be nice for him to have: a decent job, and sex drive.

I know the sex thing maybe a bit much for me to put out there however, I feel that it's incredibly important in a relationship. And after my failed marriage, I've decided that it is going to be one of the top things that we need to be compatible with/on/whatever. If you're going to be with someone for the rest of your life...make sure you like to be with them...if you know what I mean!

And speaking of liking to be with someone. I'd really like to find someone that is my best friend and someone I can learn something from. Something that they're good at and they're willing to share with me and teach me.

I'd like to find a guy with a heart. Maybe a guy with a sensitive side. But not too sensitive because, well I'm pretty sensitive, and if he's more sensitive than I am that might be a little weird. I'd like to have someone that's not afraid to talk about their feelings and if there's something going on they can talk about it without shutting down on me.

Maybe he can have an artistic side. Whether he likes to write, sing, play an instrument, or draw. I think having a creative outlet is important and goes along with being sensitive a bit.

I think one of the last qualities I want in someone is an animal lover. My dog Sexie is a huge part of my life and someone that likes animals shows me that have a heart. A guy that doesn't like dogs is not a guy for me.