SHOULD YOU DATE/MARRY UGLY?

Have you ever heard the song that says if you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife? I'm not sure if people really live by that rule, but I sometimes think maybe I should.



The reason I say that is because I think sometimes guys that are cute, know that they are and seem to be a bit scadalous. Haven't you ever seen a guy that was attractive and you could tell he knew it?

I met a guy, and his friends were telling me that I should talk to him. I took one look at him and I could tell he was trouble. His was a pretty boy. He was wearing some tight shirt that showed off his muscles. He probably spent more time on his hair than I did that night. Not only that, but when I did talk to him breifly he did have a certain cockyness about it him.

WELL WELL WELL! Come to find out from a friend taht knows his freinds, the boy in question is scandalous! He and a buddy went to vegas the week prior, and apparently found 2 girls at the pool, took them back to their room, and switched off with both of them...if you know what I mean! REALLY???? Are you fricking serious? You does that?? Oh wait he does..and his freind. Stay Classy!

I just have to say that makes me sick. Not that I'm perfect, but I mean really!!!

I just wonder if every guy that's attractive is fricking shady. Over the years of being single I've met a lot of guys that are an instant, and those boys...get around. And when I say instant, I mean the guy you look at and he is an instant "WoW he's HOT!"

Don't get me wrong I know there are PLENTY of women out there that are attractive and shady. Although, it's a different shady. Its the kind of shady where she's using her look to get her something or somewhere. Where attractive guys use it to get the pooty! Over and over again.

The other thing with the hottie is that since they are so hot other chicks are always going to be after him and then you have to worry about cheating...and who wants to deal with that heartbreak?

IF A MAN IS SINGLE AFTER THE AGE OF...

God knows I've gone on my share of 1st dates. I'm starting to feel like a pro at them. On a first date you typically are getting to know the person and asking questions. A lot of times first dates may feel like an interview. That's a common complaint that men seem to have.

One of the questions they seem to hate them most is, "So you're 30+ why are you still single? You've never been married. So, what's wrong with you?"

Apparently us ladies like to ask those questions a lot. I have to say that I don't really ask that. Maybe I'm more sensitive to it because I'm divorced and I don't want people to think of me poorly because I'm divorced.

However, I'm starting to wonder if there's anything to this line of questioning. Is there some validity here?

I'm in my 30's and I've gone on plenty of dates with men post 30 years old. I've also noticed that the older we get and we're still single the less likely we are to compromise. We become more set in our ways and less tolerant. Which has it's good and bad points.

Good because we're less likey to settle. However it can be bad, because the less tolerant part makes it easier to cut people off that may not be perfect, but might still be good people.

In my opinion, part of the issue is men are not emotional creatures and typically don't deal with any self issues. Unlike women, we talk it out. Whether it be with our girlfriends or in some cases a counselor of some type.

Not many men go to counselors to deal with emotional issues. They sweep it under the rug and move on to the next. Two prime examples of this from past are my ex husband and also Mr. Dallas.

Let's start with the ex-husband. Not only does he have an interesting childhood that has never been dealt with but also he never really dealt with our divorce. He never once thought that there was any of his actions that were the issue. I think he blamed most of it on me and didn't really deal with divorce. Instead he moved onto several very young girls that were more likely to deal with things because they have lower expectations.

Now to Mr. Dallas. He has an incredible family. They all get along, they're very close. They're really just great people. Several years ago, Mr Dallas had a brother that died far too young. They were extremely close. In fact Mr. Dallas moved thousands of miles and got a job transfer to be closer to his brother.

After he died, Mr. Dallas changed a bit. Almost like he did a mental reorganization of his life and made some life changes. One of them...ME! However, one thing that I don't think he ever did was really deal with the death of his brother. In my opinion he should've gone to someone and talked about it. But he never did.

See, that's what I'm talking about. Guys don't deal with their issues so, instead of dealing with the issue, they just move onto someone that will deal with them(the man).

Now I don't want you to think that I think every guy that is single past the age of 30 is mentally ill. I don't. I know guys are slower at making commitment. But I will stand by the statement that a lot of times guys have things they need to deal with and instead of doing it they just shove it under the rug and move onto something else.

GUYS THAT HAVE LOTS OF "FRIENDS" THAT ARE GIRLS

Have you ever met a guy that has a lot of girlfriends? I mean a lot! Almost like they have more girlfriends than guy friends. And are these girls really just friends?

Lately, I've met more of these guys and I'm noticing something about them. They don't want to date any one girl in particular. Is this a coincidence? Possibly. But I think of my guy friends in Milwaukee. They have a lot of girlfriends and are pretty well known for being playboys of MKE.

A guy that I met here in Houston recently has a lot of girlfriends. In fact, he likes to have them over for dinner and cook for them. He also will go out on the town with a group of them and he's the only guy. Is this weird to anyone else or is it just me?

He also told me that he didn't want a relationship because he wanted to do what he wanted to do, such as travel. I said, "Can't you do all of those things with a girlfriend?" He responded, with the typical I don't want to answer to anyone response.

Now on the flip side of the coin I also think that girls that have a lot of guy friends and hardly any girl friends are also weird. So, don't think I'm beating up just the guys here.

I think there's something to be said for a guy or girl that is only friends with the opposite sex. Almost like they need constant validation from the opposite sex. I love having girlfriends. Maybe because I'm the only girl in my family and crave the relationship of a sister.

Think about the girl that only has guy friends and no girlfriends. In my opinion, these girls don't have girlfriends because they don't want any competition from other girls and want it all the attention for themselves.

Now, with the guys, I don't think that they lack guy friends because they don't want the competition, I think it's more that the crave attention from girls and it makes them feel better about themselves. Look at men that hang out with bimbos. They waste their time with them because being with a pretty woman makes them feel better about themselves.

MEN DON'T HAVE TO PICK JUST ONE

I was at the pool a few weeks ago and met this girl. She was was about 35, super cute, fit, nice, and SINGLE! She's has never been married and wasn't dating anyone at the moment either. We talked awhile about all sorts of stuff. One thing that she said to me that is starting to make more and more sense is that "MEN DON'T HAVE TO PICK JUST ONE GIRL."

In fact, she went on to say why guys don't have to pick one girl. There are so many pretty girls in Houston that they can have a different one every night of the week. Which I'm thinking is kind of true. It's almost like men have dating A.D.D.

Sometimes guys don't really need a girl that has any substance...just physical attractiveness. Let's face it. Men like being around attractive women and some don't really care if the girl can carry on a conversation. They enjoy the attention for whatever reason even if the girl is totally hanging out with them for the wrong reasons. You know, what can he do for me?

When I lived in Milwaukee I always felt like it was a very small town and there were some slim pickings in the dating department. I thought for sure I'd have better luck in Houston. As of yet, I haven't had any love connections, but I'm finding guys here have a lot of options. Almost too many.

So, it makes you wonder how does anyone ever get into a relationship when there are so many women to choose from? Better question is do these men even want a relationship? Or are we ladies just space and time fillers?

I'd like to think that if a guy is asking you on dates and taking you to dinner, spending time with you that you aren't just a time or space filler. I'd like to think he enjoys your company. Although maybe I'm wrong. I missing something?

I've also noticed that guys I meet do not want girlfriends. They tell you that they don't want a relationship, that they don't have time or they want to do what they want to do and feel as though we get in the way. I'm wondering if that really true or if it's a cop out.

I did have this conversation with a guy friend of mine and he compared us ladies to an employer hiring you for a job. In other words, What makes that employer hire you over all the other candidates? Or Why does the guy pick you over all the other ladies? I mean, how do you win?

WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 5 YEARS?

The other day I had a thought. Coincidentally I had it the other morning while I was taking a tinkle. Ya I know, too much information, but I'm open and that's where I was. I sat there thinking about how I turn 33 this week and I remember why there's a significance about my birthday this year.

Five years ago when I just started dating Mr. Dallas (Wow that was about 5 years ago...crazy)I remember we were having one of those early on in dating getting to know each other conversations. Unlike a LOT of men I meet, Mr. Dallas was very good at asking questions. Out of the blue he asked me a semi interview question. "Erin, where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

Kind of surprised I said, "What do you mean?" He then said, "well do you see yourself married or single? Do you have kids? Do you see yourself with a house on the lake?" I didn't know how to respond.

I said, "Well I'll be 33 in 5 years. Honestly I don't know. I can see myself married but then again I can see myself single. Really, I haven't put much thought into it. I kind of just take life as it comes."

Well 5 years later is NOW! And as I sat there thinking of that 5 year mark I thought, Where am I and what have I accomplished 5 years later?

We know one thing is certain...I AM SINGLE! So, no surprise there. I have moved on to bigger opportunities career wise. Although my back account is lacking significantly. I've gained some great friends along the way. I still have no debt. That's good. I have my health still.

One thing is, and maybe I'm just being hard on myself and incredibly self critical, but I feel like I haven't done as much as I'd hoped. Granted, I never really thought about it, but I guess you just think that things will be so much better in 5 years.

Deep down I would've loved to be in a relationship in that amount of time. But I'm not and not really even close. I wasn't sure about the kids and I'm still not sure. I figure it depends on who I marry and what WE decide vs. what I decide.

I wish I would have my place that I own or co-own. That's not the case. I also would've thought I'd make more money in 5 years and have a little nest egg so to speak. Again, not the case.

One thing I will say is in that 5 years I've gone on 3 vacations in Europe by myself. France, Italy, and England. Paid for by myself. That is something that I didn't picture myself doing, but I'm glad I did.

So where do I see myself in the next 5 years? Let's not discuss my age then. But I do hope that in the next 5 years I meet someone that loves me unconditionally. I hope that I am even further along in my career with a TV show or maybe even an author. God knows I've had some interesting stories along the way. I hope that I have a great place to live that I can say is MINE or OURS!

I hope and pray. In fact, I'm going to visualize it.