DO I JUST HAVE BAD TIMING OR BAD LUCK?

There a few things that are no secret with me. One of them is, right now all my friends have someone they're dating except me. Granted, not all of it is completely fantastic but, they've all have at least someone. Number 2. I don't believe in "the one". I believe that you are truly compatible with more than one person. One thing that my friends have told me and I think they might actually be right is that I HAVE BAD LUCK WITH MEN...AND HORRIBLE TIMING!!!

I think of when I met Sean. We got along great, things were progressing nicely, then...he moves because his brother has cancer. After that, timing was all off. I tried to get a job in Austin where he lived but that fell through. I tried getting a job in Dallas but, I moved here instead. Yeah! My timing couldn't have been worse!

Then, I think of a guy that had a girlfriend break up with him shortly before he started dating me. At first things were great. Then, I think he realized that a girlfriend takes time and work and he wanted to spend more time doing "his" stuff and playing the field. Again, me and my timing.

Now lets go to guys I simply encounter or have showed interest in me. May it be the married guy that WANTS a divorce or the married guy GOING through a divorce. My timing again and luck are impecable! Really? Does it ever get any better?

I'm starting to wonder if this is just how it's always going to be. Me, attracting and being attrached to men that are UNAVAILABLE!! They're unavailable in every way. They're unavailable emotionally, physically...they're just NOT someone that I can have! It's actaully starting to make me irratated. You know, my girlfriends are starting to notice the trend of the men that like me. Either they are NOT what I'm looking for, or I don't find them attractive. Or the men that like me have something in their life that makes them unattainable.

I wrote a note on my Facebook page how I seem to have bad luck and timing and Erin sucks! The comments came coming in. Advice telling me to "Stop looking and start living!" What? What do you think I'm doing? I almost feel selfish because most of the stuff I do, I do for MYSELF!!! I have traveled to Europe for vacation TWICE ALONE!!! Is that not living for myself? After my divorce I bought my SUV. I found it on the internet in Dallas, TX. I negotiaited the deal by myself. I flew to Dallas, took a cab to the dealership, bought the car and drove it back to St. Louis all by myself. No Guy came along or helped me. Hell I was even dating Sean at the time...he didn't come with me. I moved to Milwaukee ALONE AND FOR MYSELF!! When will I not be by myself?

I had someone else comment, "Erin go to Europe and find a man, guys in America suck!" Well I would but, see comment above. I never looked for a guy in Europe but, my trip to France I had not a single guy hit on me. My trip to Italy I did but, one guy had the teeth of a sewer rat and the other guy was about 22 years old.

So what's the deal? Do I have have bad luck? Does someone have a voodoo doll on me or some sort of spell cast on me? Seriously, I'm ready to start consulting a Wiccan to cast a good luck spell on me! Or is my clock of life off? Everyone I encounter I'm just an off by a few months and if would've met them just a bit later I might be happier?

DO MEN STILL LIKE ENJOY THE CHASE?

You've always heard that guys like the thrill of the chase. They like a girl that's a challenge. Although, lately I'm starting to wonder if times have changed and is that really true anymore.

Let's face it. Times have changed since when our parents were young single adults. Most of our parents probably don't even remember what it's like to be single because they got married right out of high school. I know that my parents married young and were both supposedly virgins. So needless to say, the advice I got growing up was "Don't do it till you're married" and "Guys only like you because they want to have sex with you". Wow! Talk about having a complex when you grow up.

The advice girls always got was to hold off as long as you can because then, guys will respect you. Is that REALLY true? I know some guys do have this stigma that if a girl gives it up too quickly they think she's a slut. I actually had a guy friend tell me that if a girl gave a BJ or more on the first date that she was automatically out! Wait! Didn't you want the BJ?

Here's where I think the problem is. Yes, some girls are horny and like getting it on. Although there are some girls that may think differently. Remember the line that guys would use to get in a girls pants when we were younger. "If you love you'll do it with me." So I think that some girls subconsciously think that "Well if I do it with him...maybe he'll like me." I know that I fell victim to that line of thinking. I hate to admit that.

Back in the day, us ladies would go out on dates...several of them before we gave up the goods. Now days, we don't even need guys to ask us out...we spread our legs like mayonnaise without them saying so much as "Hi". So does the modern man still like the chase? Or has he become so used to girls that are easily coerced that they don't feel like they need to try? I even had a guy tell me that recently got back out on the market. "Erin, I don't even have to take girls out to dinner...they give it up without it! Boy, times have changed."

Do men enjoy conquering a woman's affection or is it like a lion in the safari? Imagine a lion waiting in the grass surveying a herd of antelope. The lion makes a move, the herd scatters and there the lion finds the one that isn't fast enough to escape. The lion finds the one that is weak and can't fight off the lion. The lion finds the one antelope that is an EASY catch. The lion likes easy prey. Do men like easy prey? Or do they like catching that elusive muskie?( that's a friends reference)Do men like fishing or hunting...so they can get the big fish...or the big buck that they've been waiting for?

Sorry for my hunting and fishing references but we are in Wisconsin.

DO MOST GUYS WANT GIRLS' LIVES TO REVOLVE AROUND THEM?

In the last week or so I've heard this several times, where a guy wants a girl where his life becomes her life. Does anyone besides me find that to be a little strange?

In one instance I had a guy tell me that he wants to find a girl that fits into HIS lifestyle. When I asked what that meant, he basically said that he wanted a girl that had the same hours as him, she liked to most of the same stuff as him, and he wanted to find her either at his job or in his normal everyday life...like at the grocery store. Now I understand that you want to have a lot of the same interests but having the same schedule? That's kind of tough. I know that when I was doing mornings I just wanted a guy that could understand my schedule and be able to accommodate. He didn't need to go to work at the crack of dawn like I did.

Then my girlfriend told me today about a guy that she knew that had been thinking of breaking up with his girlfriend but has never had the balls to pull the trigger. He started making excuses why he hadn't yet. One of them was the fact that he liked that she would make her life...his life. Does that make sense? He liked the fact that all the things "he" liked to do and all the things that were "his" interests all became "her interests. He also liked the fact her life was centered around him!!! WHAT? Am I the only one that finds this extremely disturbing? So I guess never mind having a woman that has her own life, interests, thoughts, and aspirations! Because that guy apparently only wants a woman that can nod her head up and down!

I also know a guy that is a variation of the 2 guys listed above. This guy has his own interests like running, biking, and other stuff. Well when he dated a girl that decided it would be a good idea to ride together, he didn't like it. In fact, he thought of that time as "his" time and didn't think that she would be able to keep up. Which makes sense...I get that. I think that you should always have your own set of things that YOU like to do alone.

Now, here's where the variation comes in. He is the type of guy that I don't think really wants a career woman. He wants a woman that will stay at home and take care of the kids just like his mom did. In fact, he told me that. He said that he wanted a girl to stay home because he thought that since he was raised that way and he turned out o.k., that was the way to go. Now there's nothing wrong with wanting that and nothing wrong with his mom staying at home. My mom did. It's just that I think he wasn't going to except any girl that wanted to be outside the home. In turn, he'll feel in control because she then relies on him.

I know that when you become a couple you start to take interests that your partner has. It's only natural but at the same time you need to be your own person and not a shadow of someone else. The problem that I have with the 3 scenarios is that I feel like I did most of those things when I was married. I worked in the same building and usually the same hours as my ex and look. I moved my life and had my career on hold for him. We usually did things that he wanted to do because if he didn't want to do something, he'd make me miserable in the process. And lastly, I've always been motivated by my career. As I mentioned earlier my mom stayed at home and I don't think that I or my brothers turned out any better than a child that had a working mom. I know that IF I ever have children someday I would still need to work. I would need the outside stimulation and I'd need to feel like I'm contributing monetarily. I never want to feel like I'm relying on others for money.

I know guys like to feel like the man of the house and like to feel important. But why do they like to have things revolve around them?

I MET CONAN O'BRIEN!!!!

It's not often that I get excited to meet famous people. I only get excited if it's people I really like in real life. Like today Conan O'Brien came by the station to shoot some promos for when he starts The Tonight Show.

I've been watching Conan since he started...years ago when I was a little 20 year old living in Eugene, OR and he had Andy as his sidekick. So when I heard that he was coming to the station I was sooo excited!! I was actually giddy!



He was so nice and just as funny in person...in fact we had an old fashioned staring contest. He took pictures with everyone and had such a good time with everyone.



At the end of his visit he looks around and says.."Where is my stalker?" and then looks at me and says, "There you are!" We hug...and then he tells the group that he's taking me with him...and WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!! Of course...he's already married...story of my life!

DO YOU EVER WONDER..."WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER?"

I sometimes wonder “Why do I even bother?” “Why do I even waste my money?” I try to be optimistic by giving something a try but then after a week or so I realize…nope still the same. I’m talking about MATCH.COM. I was on there for nearly a year with a few connections. Obviously none of those worked out as you can see but, I still try to remain friends with them.

Here’s the thing…after I tried giving someone a chance last October, I told myself that no matter how this ends up…I’m off MATCH.COM. I was starting to feel a little pathetic on there. I was on there a year and all I could find was one guy I dated for 3 months and then he decides he doesn’t really want to be serious…he needed his "ME" time. Then the last guy I dated was a guy from Chicago that all the sudden dropped off the face of the planet…then a week later writes me this huge email telling me that he’s screwed up in the head…and is going to see someone about his problems, because he had a traumatic childhood.

Well since then, I haven’t had much success on my own. I went a few dates with one guy in December who basically told me after date 2 that I wasn’t the “girl of his dreams.” Now funny thing is, I actually still talk to this guy and were friends! Sometimes I wonder why…because he just likes talking to me on the phone…but whatever. So I thought “Oh what the hell!...I’ve got nothing else going on…maybe I’ll do MATCH again…at least it’ll be entertainment. OH BOY…IS IT ENTERTAINING ALRIGHT!!!

So I updated my profile, added a few remarks and paid my $45 for 3 months of fun. The emails and winks started to come in. I wish I could legally show you the pictures of the guys that wink or email me…honestly it’s not pretty. I would venture to say that about 1 out of every 10 is someone I might find potential in. I think half the time these guys don’t even read my bio…they just look at a few pics; decide I’m not horrible to look at then email. I would say 75% of the guys have some sort of facial hair…and 50% of those guys have beards!!! WHAT?....NO!!...I don’t do dudes with beards. I honestly think that they took their picture after spending about a month in a cabin up north.

You know I was talking to a girlfriend the other day and I was telling her all the non-connections that we’re finding me. You know what she said? “Erin, well you were just complaining about not getting any male attention lately…so you really can’t be picky when you get it.” Oh yes I can…and I will. To me, I think I would rather feel lonely then have a ton of guys that look like they hang in biker bars hot after me. It just really doesn’t make your ego feel good either way.

So now I’m starting to wonder…”Why did I shell out the $45?” Granted $45 isn’t necessarily a ton of money, but I could’ve spent that money on a pair of shoes…a sweater…gas…drinks with the girls. Now I have 3 months of non-ego boosting fun. I also wonder why I joined because, let’s face it…I’m looking to move too.

It’s no secret that I’m looking for my next job opportunity. It’s also no secret that I’m looking for jobs outside our fair city. So if I’m looking to move…why did I bother to sign back up for MATCH.COM? I think part of the answer is I am lonely and I would like to meet someone…maybe not the man I’ll marry but someone to hang out with in the mean time. (I know that sounds bad) I also think I’m bored. Take this for example…I come home from work and the gym every night, make dinner and then either get on my computer or sit on the couch and spoon my dog. I truly think that I’ve been looking at MATCH as a form of entertainment. Can I tell you I’ve spent every night this week falling asleep on my couch with a blanket and my dog the entire night? What’s wrong with me?

IF ONE DOOR CLOSES...WHAT'S BEHIND DOOR # 2?

Lately, I've been trying not to get to worked up about the job market and where I fit in it. I should expect that people will ask me about the QVC thing for awhile. "How did it go...when will you hear something?" The problem is...so if that door closes...when the next door going to open and what's behind it?

I think I started to freak out a little when I saw something that made it look like they were only hiring for one position. I just started to get a little down...like really what are the odds? I know I did so much better than a lot of people and I did better than I even expected but still...it's like a nationwide search. I know it's really too soon to know what's going to happen but I can't help but feel a little impatient and scared.

So what's the next opportunity? Is it going to be just as big? So just say I don't get the QVC job. I'm obviously continuing to look for other opportunities. Here's the worry wort in me...what if the next door that God opens for me is a much smaller job? Smaller than the one I have currently. People always say tthat when when God closes one door another will open and the usually it's better than you can even imagine. But what if it's not?

It's hard for me to think that I could've had the best job of my life to one where I'm taking 5 steps backwards. People say that God has a plan for you and you don't know what it is. What's my plan? What direction will it take next and if I don't get the prize behind door number 1...will I like what's behind door number 2?

SO NOW WHAT?

For the last couple of weeks I've been focused on my QVC audition. Kind of putting the job hunting on hold til that was over with because it's such a big opportunity that I didn't want to screw it up. Well Friday I went down to Chicago and had my audition. And...it went pretty good!

For the most part I wasn't too nervous. It was more like a deeper nervous. I knew that this was a big opportunity for me and it's something that I know I'd do well at it and I didn;t want to screw it up the opportunity. I felt like Eminem in 8 Mile. Ok maybe that's a little dramatic.

So here's how it all went down. I was an hour and half early for my audition. I come to this hallway with this line of chairs. I sit down and start to just calm my self down and get ready. Telling myself that I can do this. That the people around me weren't any better than me.

I walk in the room with my big Rubbermaid tote full of pots and pans and set up. I gave a quick intro about myself and then began with my brief presentation. I only had 2-3 minutes to sell my product. At the end the casting director gives me a one sheet and a sweater and tells me to go out to the hall and prepare another presentation in 5 minutes.

I go into the hall and everyone looks at me like "what's going on with her? How come she's not leaving?" AFter about 5 mintues and some people asking me questions, I went back in with a few things in mind of what I would say to sell this sweater. I had a little Erin personality tossed in there and off I went. I think I did a pretty good job the second time around considering I had only 5 minutes to come up with something.

So what now? I have NO IDEA!! They gave me absolutely no info. No, "Hey we'll call you in a week"...nothing. So I sit here and wonder what I should do next. I know I need to keep looking for work but what? If I don't get the QVC job will the job I get be better?

I'm going to sound like my mom here but I guess I'll just have to pray. I prayed that I would do a good job and not blow it and I did. So now, I guess I'll have to pray that I have the opportunity to get the job. All I know is sitting around wondering and waiting is hard.